31 July 2009

a part of me wanna cry..
a part of me wanna go far away..
i dont know..
i thought i overcome it..
but it seem to get worse each minute..

i even have to take 9hours late diluted betaferone..
totally forgot i've dilute it last night..
went to sleep..
woke up, still havent recall about it.. until, it was at 5am..
was thinking.. should i take paracetamol today..
until then, i just realised, i was suppose to take betaferone last night..

y'day.. alot of things i forgot.
1. didnt recite the evening mathurat..
2. left my debit,credit cards, and student card, dricing license sumwhere.. couldnt recall where.. till havent found today..
3. could not remember how i figure out the resistance for convection, conduction and radiation for my project.. everything seems blur.. its too confusing..
4. didnt take my medcine..
5. (was this morning), after prayed sunat salat, i fall asleep for a while.. and someone wake me up for fajr.. so i thought, ok, im waking up..
i had prayed, and was currently hearing tazkirah.. BUT studdenly, nadia come in my room and wake me up..
i havent prayed fajr yet actually.. huhu.. it was all illusion.. too much ilusion.. i could no longer know which is the reality and which is real..

huhu.. help me here Allah..
please help me..

p/s: y'day was ukht nabihah bday.. today is ukht rose zalina bday.. thanks to reminder update bday from frenster.. if not, i would never remember anyone bday..

30 July 2009


alhamdulillahirabil alamin..
All Praise to U, o Mighty Lord.. o Loving Lord..
thank u my dear Lord, my Only Lord..
thank u ease it for me enable me to pass CS2 supp exam..
im more than grateful to U..
nothing is possible without Ur permission.. <3

one dont want to lose U in this life..
doesnt want to forget U..
please help one here to always remember U, always be thankful for Ur Grace..
this makes one even more sad than ever..
not that one is sad for all the ni'mat and rahmah U've bestowed upon one here..
one is sad.. one was suppose to glorify U this evening..
but she forget to do so..

at 1st, one went to'eng lounge' (am not too sure what is it called),
to meet one beloved sis..
i know, i promised not to bother her anymore.. im sorry Allah, im sorry sis..
im just wasting her time.. there's much can be done rather than just wasting time waiting for me to say..
i dont know..
ive no idea how to say what i wanna say..
its like having a stage fright..
everything that has been mounting up in this head, suddenly dissappear in a blink of an eye, when one meet eye to eye to a person..
lastly, what happen is the thing one wanna say/share/.. come out as something else, which also has been worry this mind for long.. but not a prior, needed immediate response..

huhu.. but really Allah Taála.. dont ever let me forget U..
dont leave me alone in this world..
please always b by my side..

oh, im forgetting again..

one was suppose to read out the al-mathurat after asar prayer today at the temporary bouv prayer room..
thought of inviting my sis along to recite it with me..
but when one get out of the room to the back side of the sister's side.. one completely forgot about it..
one kept on thinking
'what am i suppose to do.. there was something i was suppose to do now'

but in the end, one never did remember..

one keep on talking with one other sis, and at the same time, hoping one could remember its real intention of stepping there.. but it never did happen.. huhu..

wo to u shaitans, for getting me out of the track from remembering Him.

and one only did realise its mistake when one when to pray isya'prayer.. which was very2 late..

forgive me Allah.. forgive me my Lord..

29 July 2009

dengan nama Mu, ya Rabb.. ya Rahman.. ya Raheem... Maha Suci Allah Taála..
diri ini ingin meminta padaMu ...
tidak akan diri ini berhenti meminta hanya padaMu.. kerana segala isi langit dan bumi ini milikMu yang hakiki..
harapku, Engkau masih sanggup mendegar luahan, rintihan jiwa kalbu ku..

O Allah.. Yang Maha Esa.. Yang Maha Terpuji..
diri ini ingin memohon keampunanmu ya Rabbi..
janji, saksi ku masih tidak tertunai sehingga ke hari ini.

bantulah aku meraih kembali semangat menuntut ilmu itu hanya kerana cintaku padaMu..

diri ini seolah2 tidak nampak lagi semangat untuk berusaha menuntu ilmu..
biarpun diri ini kerap kali memberi semangat dan motivasi pada sahabat untuk terus berusaha..

diri ini akui..
telah termasuknya ia dalam golongan mereka yang 'futur'..
maafkan aku, Allah..
i need to try to imrove myself back.. help me here Allah.. please help me..
i dont wanna be among those who are in loss..
i wanna be Ur true servant all time..
if not, take me now.. when i still have my faith and trust only, solely to U...

sad day..

today a sis of mine is going back for good..
protect her my Lord.. in this dunya and akhirat..
lindungilah saudaraku dari kezaliman dunia...
sentiasa berinya petunjuk dan hidayahMu..
berikan pada ukht ku, kasihMu ya Rabb..
im gonna miss her truely..
suddenly i felt that ive not been spending real, cherish time with her lately..
im sorry shahadah.. i pray that Allah give u the best of His ni'mat..
the best of His rahmah..
i hope He'll enable us to remember each other in the hereafter life..
in the jannah al-firdaus..
O Allah.. forgive our sins.. either that we did consiously or without realising it..
we need Ur forever lasting Love Ya Wadud..
help us and protect us from punishment of the blazing hell fire..
please grant this supplication from Ur humble servant..

28 July 2009

o hammy.. one been getting rib pain since yesterday..
and it keep on getting worse every hour...
it hurts when:
-one need to turn
-one cough
-one sit in 'takhiyat akhir'
-when one jog
-when one ride the bike..
-taking a deep breath..

in summary, it hurt to do anything except to sit straight without mocing...


should one meet the doc..
one is now trying the 'cloth of pain killer' given by mum for the keen pain..
as one read one the wrtting outside.. it says for muscle pain as well..
since an ukht said it could be cause by muscle, and not bone.. well, why not one try it..
but it doesnt seem to help..
the pain is getting worse..
o Lord... o Allah Taála..
u created me..
u give me food..
u hold me when to die or live..
thus, please help one here in her pain..
help one to be strng facing it..

27 July 2009

i beg U, Allah Taála..

o Allah.. i keep on forgetting more and more..
i dont know why..
and its really causing me to be sad..
i keep on wondering..
if things that i keep on doing daily are also starting to diminishing away from my memory..
will one day, i will soon no longer remember U...

dont let it happen my beloved Lord..
i would not want to wake up one day,
and im no longer a person who believe in U..
i would not want to wake up as kaffirun..

help me Allah, protect me here from being ignorance to U..
help me to keep on believing in U..
please let me die as a true muslim..
a faithful servant only to U..

i dont know when will my time to meet u.. but, keep me on the right track..
please bestow me Ur hidáyah always.. Ur guidance..
please Allah.. please, i beg U..
if it means i need to end my own life, knowing that i die without doubt i remember U,
i'l willingly do it myself..
though i know U might be angry with me.. but at least i know, i die with the remembrance of U inside this heart..

but i would not want to do so.. Do Not Enter
for i dont want to anger U,my Lord..
help one here..
help me to always have U in one mind, in one heart..
please Allah, the only Rabb of the Alamin..
please..i really2 beg to U..

25 July 2009

when will this stop..
it has been on going for more than 1 hour..
ya Allah..
im soo .....
my mind is blank..
my sight black out..
my ears are deaf..

why for all these while, one have not been a grateful person as one should have been..
forgive one here, Lord.. do forgive me Allah..

one feels so lost right now..

though one kept on meeting people each day..

but d more one meet people.. the more one feel to be at lost..
this year gonna end soon..

and soon, one will no longer able to meet anyone anymore..

o Allah..
diri ini tidak mahu membebankan sesiapa..
one put her trust and faith in U..
have no one else that one could turn to except U..
one should never burden anyone else with one stupid things..
for then, only to U, one could pour out everything thats building up inside..

one really hope,REALLY REALLY HOPE...
U'll never get bored of one here..
please remind one here, that she always knows, that U are always by one side..
Allah Taála..
al wadud..
ar rahman..
ar raheem..

d drop of tears dat keep on streams out..
one hope, it really comes from the bottom of this heart for U, Allah.

and the coming semester ...
one hope.. U'll always be by one side at all times..
to remind one if one starts to step onto the wrong footpath..

24 July 2009

please be amomg those who postrate to Allah Taála

Muhammad itu adalah utusan Allah dan orang-orang yang bersama dengan dia adalah keras terhadap orang-orang kafir, tetapi berkasih sayang sesama mereka, kamu lihat mereka ruku’ dan sujud mencari karunia Allah dan keridhaan-Nya, tanda-tanda mereka tampak pada muka mereka dari bekas sujud (48:29)

Amal perbuatan yang paling disukai oleh Allah Taála adalah sujud yang sebenar2nya.. dengsn ikhlas dan rendah hati..

diriwayatkan oleh muslim, rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda.
yang bermaksud lebih kurang seperti berikut
".. apabila seseorang itu sujud pada Allah sekali, akan Allah tinggikan satu darjat disisiNya dan hapuskn kesalahan diri..

sujud itu juga untuk mengubati duka...

dalam al-hijr, 97-99:
"Dan Kami sungguh-sungguh mengetahui, bahwa dadamu menjadi sempit disebabkan apa yang mereka ucapkan,
maka bertasbihlah dengan memuji Tuhanmu dan jadilah kamu di antara orang-orang yang bersujud [shalat],
dan sembahlah Tuhanmu sampai datang kepadamu yang diyakini [ajal]

dalam al-baqarah: 2 :
"dan minalah pertolongan Allah dengan sabar dan solat."

ur favourite surah hafazan.. surah al-insan.. (23-26)
Sesungguhnya Kami telah menurunkan Al Qur’an kepadamu [hai Muhammad] dengan berangsur-angsur.
Maka bersabarlah kamu untuk [melaksanakan] ketetapan Tuhanmu, dan janganlah kamu ikuti orang yang berdosa dan orang yang kafir di antara mereka.
Dan sebutlah nama Tuhanmu pada [waktu] pagi dan petang.
Dan pada sebagian dari malam, maka sujudlah kepada-Nya dan bertasbihlah kepada-Nya pada bagian yang panjang di malam hari

dalam surah al-isra': 107-109:
"Katakanlah: "Berimanlah kamu kepadanya atau tidak usah beriman [sama saja bagi Allah]. Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang diberi pengetahuan sebelumnya apabila Al Qur’an dibacakan kepada mereka, mereka menyungkur atas muka mereka sambil bersujud,
dan mereka berkata:
"Maha Suci Tuhan kami; sesungguhnya janji Tuhan kami pasti dipenuhi".
Dan mereka menyungkur atas muka mereka sambil menangis dan mereka bertambah khusyu’."

petanda hati itu keras apabila ia tidak lagi sensitif pada sekeliling..


ia tidak lagi sedih saat ditimpa musibah..

huhu.. ysn.. adakah hatimu ini sudah keras sebenarnya?

langsung x da rasa sedih saat melihat result exam hari tu..

pekena ntah kamu ni...

langkah tercipta

Semalam aku kelukaan,
kecewa kehampaan,
mencalar ketabahan,
mimpi yang sering ku harapkan,
menjadi kenyataan,
namun tak kesampaian.

Inginku hentikan langkah ini,
bagaikan tak mampu untuk ku bertahan,
semangat tenggelam,
lemah daya,
haruskah aku mengalah,
namun jiwaku berbisik,
inilah dugaan.

Dan langkahku kini terbuka,
pada hikmah dugaan,
uji keimanan (menguji keimanan),
tak dilontarkanNya ujian,
di luar kekuatan,
setiap diri insan.

Pimpinlah diriku,
tuk bangkit semula,
meneruskan langkah,
perjuangan ini,
cekalkan hati dan semangatku,
kurniakan ketabahan,
agar mimpi jadi nyata,
padaMu ku meminta.

Daku mohon agung kudratMu,
wahai Tuhan yang satu,
segalanya dariMu.

22 July 2009


i've just took my supp exam..
surprisingly, my cough and cold decrease significantly, once i step out of the house..
i think my house in contaminated with the cold, flu virus.. hoho..

the paper was tougher than the final exam recently..
but, what do i expect..
live will always get tougher..
im putting my trust and faith wholly in Him to decide whether im gonna get thru this subj or not..

goin back home, i then know.. why did He put me in this condition..
the roof cover of my room fall of and break down to bits..
if i were inside.. i would then have been hit by it..
Thank You my beloved Lord...Allah Taala.. the al-Wadud..
u put me in a force to sit for today exam..
just to save me from being hurt from the fall of the roof bit..

o Allah.. how i miss Ur love..
is there still room for me to gain it all back.. huhu

one wanna go back home to malaysia..
now.. if possible..
miss my mum.. miss my dad.. Sad
rarely do i miss them.. in fact, i dont think i've ever miss them at all..
not even when i was sent to boarding school at the age of 11.. or when i was sent to melb in my 1st year @2006.. to the extend my parents think i dont even bother about them..
but recently.. i dont know why, i really2 miss them..
is it a sign that its the time has come for either me or them to go away from this world and meet You, my Lord..

make me strong in whatever challenges U've prerpared for me to face on..

from 07' _1

As the sun rise
As the wind blows
Through your open window
So that you’ll feel the flow

Rise up my friend
It’s a new day
A new beginning

If yesterday was frustrating
Forget about it
Do your best today

If yesterday was fruitful
Innovate today to be successful
More than yesterday

Do your things
Ask your heart
If you feel at serenity
If you feel happy
Finish it off

If your heart feel troubled
If you feel bustle
Stop what you’re doing
Reflect your intention of doing it
Is it for the cause The Mighty One
Or is it for your own sake

To hold the world in our hand
Its not enough to do it all alone
You’ll face challenges along the way
Which you would not able to fight it off alone
For even a day
You’ll end up exhausted by the end of that day

Mujahadah is the keyword
If lethargic is what you feel
Your 1st step towards mujahadah has been in the wrong direction
Change it now and prompt to
We need to move fast
Faster than the blowing winds
The nemesis are approaching by all means
Brush them off
Shake them well
Not through violence as it is not fair
As islam does not encourage violence towards others
Peace, harmony and the assertion of His oneness
Is what islam is

Spread your knowledge to the world
Let them know
The true and the only truth about islam
About The Mighty One
That we do not worship our prophet saw
We follow his teachings of the religion of Allah
Based on the kalamullah revealed to him

We love rasulullah as we love other prophets before him
No favored was done on any of the prophets chosen by Him
All of them bring the teaching of islam
Just the timeline cause them to do what they’ve done
Tawheed,Iman,Aqidah are the based of their teachings
Just the name differs as time pass by
All of it can be seen in Al-Quran
It covers all the aspect that has been in the revelation of other
prophets before rasulullah saw

search after search from the hard disk... one just realized.. she got a compilation of nonesense literatrature that she wrote bck then when she was in blyth...
its interesting to look at how did one wrote back then..
memang mengarut..
n sekarang lagi bertambah mengarut..
the differece is.. i is that most of one writings back then was in bahasa. but now,
one would beter like it be in english..
for in bahasa.. everyone will most likely to understand isi tersirat behind it..

but if its english, the saying says a thing, but the real presentation could mean
totally the opposite..


perisai perlu dibawa.. di heret ke mana jua ia pergi..

perisai untuk menjaga.. smoga ia akan terpelihara..

kan tetapi, biar selama mana perisai itu ditangan..

namun hati enggan mengiyakan..

segalanya akan hancur jua..

ditebas pedang yang menghunus tajam..

19 July 2009

ntah la..

17 July 2009

huhu.. tadi nk balik dr bf.. x der keto nk hntr..
x po la.. nek tram ok je..
pastu, pakcik yg bwk tram lalu je.. x mo stop.. bukan penuh pun tram pakcik oi..
huhu.. nk marah x leh..
nk complain x leh..
huhu.. last2 jalan kaki je la balik..
dalam kesejukan..
dalam diri x berapa sihat sgt..hoho
menarik betul..

ape2 la..
bile lagi nk travel malam2 sorg..
nnt kn marah..
ni org x leh marah.. sbb smua pun busy ngan rsp..
n x der keter nk hntr balik.. yeay..

16 July 2009

kenapa diri ini mudah terasa pada kata2 dan perbuatan orang..
padahal, mungkin apa yang dimaksudkan untuk bergurau senda..
tapi entahlah..
y am i becoming tooo sensitive to other people act on me..
it shouldn't be that way..
malas aku nk layan diri ni..
semalam baru dengar tazkirah pasal ukhuwah..
malangnya, aku sorang je yg dengar dalam rumah ni..
dan kata2 mereka yang mudah mengguris hati ini adalah ahli2 rumah ini sendiri..
klu aku volunteer nk ulang balik tazkirah ni dalam tazkirah rumah..
nanti dikatakan saja jer nak kenakan orang..
im sooooo confused..

15 July 2009

been getting on off fever since monday,
dry cough since yesterday (tues),
and migrains as well..

what am i suppose to do to treat it away

i tried panadols, ibuprofen, ponstan, antibiotics, ranitidin,
vitamins, fish oil.. a whole lot of fruits and choc energy that contains B12(thats what the tin says)..

but, nothing seems to work.. huhu..

i even tried making my room as warm as possible without intefering with the ventilations inside,
and i slept inside the sleeping bag under the MAS blanket..
huhu.. my body still feel chilled..
and now, my left side head is pulsating..

what am i becoming..
mutated kepebenda ntah

if on monday, my RHS is failing till i could not even write, today, my LHS is taking charge..
my left eye are not performing well..

O Allah.. help to go gain strength..
i wouldnt want to get off on the wrong side of this journey of life..
help me to be right on track at all time..
al-arraf: 55

11 July 2009

bagaikan seekor burung yang sangat besar sedang terbang dengan sayapnya itu dibuka luas..
i have to wonder..
adakah dalam majlis2 ilmu ilallah itu, malaikat2 menaungi mereka sedemikian rupa..
if it is.. its sooo amazing.. subhanallah..

09 July 2009


in Thy name, the most Merciful.. the Ever Merciful..
setiap detik yang berlalu...
lagi mengundahkan hati yang sememangnya pilu..
semakin hari dirasakan semakin gelap..
tidakkan lagi bertemankan sinar mentari..

i know, i have steps on the wrong stones to walk
its time for me to back off..
ive always said this. but never did was i to actually do it cofrontly
tapi, winter ni, lagi byk talk yg dengar..
semakin rase diri ini telah berpijak di bumi yang salah..
diri x layak bergelar daie ilalllah..
yet, why did it cause for this heart to shatter when one is being profound to do it..
im backing off.. for good..
bit by bit..
i hope it'll all go away..
biarlah mereka bahagia, terurus urusan mereka..
diri ini hanya menambhkan ranjau jalanan mereka..

06 July 2009



segala puji bagi Mu, Yang Tiada Tolak bandingan sifat kasih..
sifat Maha Penyayang..

alhamdulilllah Taála..
Sesungguhnya setiap yang berada di langit dan bumi itu, Engkau yang kuasai..
Dan dengan kuasaMu ya Rabb..
Telah Engkau kembali memekarkan bunga yang telah suram, dek ujian yang telah Engkau berikan..
Biarpun kasihMu itu buat saudara, sahabatku..
namun, ia menjadikan diriku lebih rindu untuk bertemu padaMu, Allah..
kasih ku pada saudaraku itu, tidak lain kerana kasihku padaMu..
maafkan diriku kerana jarang sekali mengingatiMu.. jarang sekali syukur padaMu..
ampunkanlah hambaMu ini..
thabatkan kami di jalan sebenar2nya..