01 March 2008

its been a while since I’ve written here.. again and again…excuses..
Back in msia 2007, was the toughest live I’ve ever undergo.. I guess, its true.. once we’ve entered this way, this path.. the more committed we tend to be, the level that we’ll be tested will be increase..

I went back in December.. I hope to be able to da’wah to my family.. at the beginning, it was not bad.. I was able to distract my brother from tv my enjoying the movie, titled ‘The messenger’..

As I should have known, my sis was not all satisfied with my act..
She known before im back in msia, I wont be going to the cinemas anymore..
and she had to complaint to my mum.. with the additional info that im joining some kind of religious, extreme group im melb…
I guess, my mum wanted to know whether this rumor is true or just a rumor.. so, she asked me to join the family to see a movie at the cinema.. and when I declined the offer.. she starts to enquire by questioning me… its like having committed a crime.. and being in a custody of the police..
She even said, “you should never go against your mother..islam doesn’t teach you that way..”
how am I suppose to say, islam says to obey your mother request as long as it is abide by the Islamic law without actually having a ‘argument’ here..
So, what happen is that, I was brain washed by both of my parents for a month.. I just have to endure it.. and was hopping that I’ll be back in melb as soon as possible..

Then.. another strike came.. my mum wan not happy with my personality, I guess..
She wanted me to meet a doctor.. (dunt know what’s she’s specialized in) who’s look and analyze brain.. (I think)..
after meeting the doctor, my mum had a personal talk with her..
I guess, she must have told her, im joining usrah in melb, and behavior changed drastically at home.. so, the doctor decided to have my brain scanned.. and when they found multiple leisure there, they decided to have my checked through out..
(I felt like an organism for lab testing).. (this continues on and on)…
To conclude the story back in msia then, I realized, my emaan has drop significantly..
I was then actually afraid to go back to melb.. afraid that I have strayed far away from the true path..
Yet, back in melb, I was surprised… I was treated nicely like before.. Allah is All Gracious.. He gave me another chance..

When the QC was reshuffled, I was surprised to be in a group of those I’m inferior with.. both the leader and my sisters.. I don’t know how they divided us, but what I do know, my own self doesn’t even have the right to be among them.. Allah is opening me a way to retrace my steps back from where I’ve strayed…

O Allah.. I’m truly repent on all my doings that have been against Your Order.. I’ll try to be an honored servants among your righteous servants. And I know, at times I’ll forget my promise.. do help me My Lord.. remind me what I’ve promised and forget it on..