18 October 2008

okay.. today, 18th october 2008.. i was actually involved what could be called as accident

it was around 3.30 am (or so)..

riding slwn's bike back home..
but dont know how, or why.. my maneuvering slip and hit sumthing (which i donnt what it is calle,
and to prevent the bike from skidding straight to the main road, i had to turn it and hit the road sign pole..
and the hit was hard because my helmet that i was securely wearing flew straight from my head to the center of the road lane..
which i would say from physics or mechanics perspective, there's a quite huge inertia involved..

i was grateful for it was not me who flew to the middle of the road though it almost feels like it..
i had to use my leg(?) forcing down myself and the bike from joining the helmet which had caused my leg to be slightly injured..
what a shock i got.. and during the time of incident there's no other vehicles or people around (i think) except a garbage truck far front at the other side of the road..

I had to take the helmet back and retreat to the side of the road.. for the pain was actually unbearable at that time plus the shock
caused me not to cycle straight back home.. and when i was staying at the side, cars from the perpendicular road passageway had come..
i guess they were confused for why i did not go as the light on my side was green..

after a few minutes, i decided im ready to cycle back home..and i guess, He made it happen during my way back for a good reason..
as i did not need to cycle energitically as the slope back home is downwards.. thus gravity is pulling, initiating my bike to keep moving foward..
reaching back home.. i look at my leg..
there a straight continues circles of bruise on my right leg.. and it ended with some bruises and cuts (presence of slight blood) at the bottom of it..

what a clumsy person i had been
wanted to clean it, but i know it'll cause stinge and pain at the wound area..
after conflicting with myself (u r crazy ysn), i decided, well i might as well take a bath instead.. and that what i did..
it was painful taking a bath and an experience i hope will teach me to be more alert and careful in d time to come..

oh.. btw.. i dont think the medicine im taking to treat the ms is working..
it keep causing further develop symptom to come straight after on another..
i dont know why does it occure that way..
i guess my body is always acting opposing to what should be happening ( i guess its the reason im getting ms here)
to go to sleep, i need to take caffiene
to be focused, i need to do a simultaneous task at the same time-eg. drawing while listening to lectures
to not get fever.. go out and play in the rainfall

sort of like an 'alien' in the sense

though i already felt like it..
in my course, i feel alone.. no close friends to discuss what is being learned, to do assignments..
..toshare things happening in life..thick and thin of it.. im always being laughed by my 'collegues'..
outside, i feel like a burden to those whom i know-the one with the same faith im in..
to say im doing what Allah is odering.. i dont think i've done it all

if i ask Allah for death.. have i done enough deeds for me to enter His Paradise without needing to enter the hell-fire even for a moment?
if i ask Allah for life.. to what extend can i stand people mockery on me..
Please forgive me Allah.. for not being grateful for everything You bestowed on me..
forgive me...

12 October 2008

dear ysn.. yup.. YOU..
talking to ur own self..
i think ur going wayyy crazy
me think myself toooo...waaaahh