31 March 2010

ok, today im going to the briefing,,
was told by d caller to bring a photocpy of my degree certf n ic..
n the ory..
but my parents told me juz bring d photocopy...
my dad ask me not to attend dat briefng..
but my mum said juz attend to look its all about..

now i know, y my dad keep on askng me to wait..
n only to dis spcfc compny he agree for me to accept..
ok, i hope its for the best..

but it juz made me wonder.. if i were to go against he's will, am i gonna make him mad..
im not gonna try.. but i hopw this work comply to my state being -d way i dress,interaction to people, and enable me to go out for some prog at least..
but i know, its going 2 be tough..
nothing is easy in this world..
and d door i choose to unlock is certainly not fill with roses..

ya Rabb, keep me steadfast on d rite true path
its always happen at this hour..
all giving signals, it comes to fail...
hopefully, 2morow will be ok..

i put my trust n protection in Your hand, All Mighty..

30 March 2010

again today i cook lunch for myself..
vege's + su-un +fish..
i didmt think anyone will bear to eat it...

ok, then my mum called said, she decided to come back for lunch..
ive to confessed to my mum, i did not cook anything except vege's soup..
alhmdllh, it was ok..-which means, no criticism on it.. as my father always does.. huhu

n suddnly called a call.. dont know who exactly, since i couldnt really get what that person is talking.

all i know, i was invited to attend a briefing 2morow..
ok.. ape2 la
since x buat ape.. pegi je la...
but the bad thing is, i need to go by public transport.. huhu..
this makes me missing riding bicycle more n more..

well, its for the best,insyaAllah..

bismillahi tawakatullah

29 March 2010

sat gi nk msk telur dadar... but not usual one..
i'll b adding veges n chilies.. hehe
i miss this type of cooking..
becoz, since i got back home.. i couldnt cook as i wish to.
i doubt my mum or dad will approve it..
but this one, im gonna eat myself..
since my mum did not come back for lunch.. n my dad, i think, as usual.. will only be eating veges n fried fish..
oh, btw.. im not cooking for lunch..
its already 7pm here.. hehe..
now, im suppose to continue reading.."al-Najat"

27 March 2010

I Taught Myself To Live Simply

I taught myself to live simply and wisely,
to look at the sky and pray to God,
and to wander long before evening
to tire my superfluous worries.
When the burdocks rustle in the ravine
and the yellow-red rowanberry cluster droops
I compose happy verses
about life's decay, decay and beauty.
I come back. The fluffy cat
licks my palm, purrs so sweetly
and the fire flares bright
on the saw-mill turret by the lake.
Only the cry of a stork landing on the roof
occasionally breaks the silence.
If you knock on my door
I may not even hear.

- Anna Akhmatova
my legs are starting to fail.. huhu

n my heads are starting to burst

dont feel like i wanna get up from the 'bed'.. if u can call it a bed..

i dont think dis medicine r working at all..

well, mungkin mmg x berkesan pun.. since it 1 yr outdated..

huhu.. dis feels worse than what usually attack me in melb..


x mo bangun.. mo tdo jer..


26 March 2010

kadang kala terfikir..
am i that worth it..

pengalaman di melb mengajar aku how to interact with community, with people..

i guess, that is y i dont have prob, to attend any intrvw..

cumanya, aku nk ke x nak keje tu..

keje yg dpt mcm prvent aku tuk kuar gi prog, u'..

ntah lah..

x tau..

o Allah.. guide one here..
please do..

25 March 2010

i luv my mum..

Come stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here, dont you cry

For one so small,you seem so strong
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm
This bond between us cant be broken
I will be here dont you cry

And youll be in my heart
Yes, youll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Youll be in my heart
No matter what they say
Youll be here in my heart

Why cant they understand the way we feel
They just dont trust what they cant explain
I know were different but deep inside us
Were not that different at all

And youll be in my heart
Yes, youll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Youll be in my heart
No matter what they say
Youll be here in my heart

Dont listen to them, cause what do they know
We need each other, to have and to hold
Theyll see in time, I know

When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you, but you gotta hold on
Theyll see in time, I know

Well show them together cuz...

Youll be in my heart
I believe, youll be in my heart
Ill be there from this day on
Now and forever more

Youll be in my heart
No matter what they say
Youll be here in my heart always

Ill be with you
Ill be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Ill be there always..

23 March 2010

my fwens..

will it ever be as b4..
will it ever write again
can the mind ever work as it was..
can it be good to others..as what it shud have been..
things to be wondered as life is not mine to spent as it is..
the head..comes the eyes and jaws
the hands..comes in wrists and fingers..
the chest, brings in the lungs and heart..
the legs..comes what once used to cycle across the countryside..
will it ever..
ever able to move as it was before..again..


21 March 2010

its funny when you realise..
being far away from ur family is easier than being close to them..
for being close to them, means everything that you do, need to have a say from them..
which one dont think works well with me..
 but i know..
my mum doesnt have my sis n bro to do and bring them whatever n wherever she wants to go..
so, doesnt matter she or me like it or not.. i will have to follow..

20 March 2010

i dunno y
but i keep on writing about a friend..
i missed all my friends..
well, those who truly calls me a friend.. which i dont think many..
perhaps only a few.. 1 or 2..
never will i know.. who's my real friend is..
i kept on reading..
reading books i mean.. books after books..
but i kept on changing..[which means i did not finish reading it n change it..]
no wonder i couldnt concentrate in studying..
i cant keep consistent on 1 book..
just now i tried to study again.. but to nor success


i need to do sumthing else.. which i am..
writing to a friend.. a sister of mine.. who i wont be meeting till end of this year..

by then, she wont even be free anymore.. for she will have a new life of her own..
k.. i shud stop.. it getting me to go sadder and sadder (if exist such word)

-p/o(pen off)-

14 March 2010

today i realise 1 thing..
ive actually bring a burden to my mum.. my dad..
my whole familu..
i wont event be any use to the world and society,,
my dgree wont make me free of this disease..
i will have to live it thru the end..
i thought it will be ok..
well, its ok now..
but it wont be ok, a year from now..
i cud be cripple by then..
who knows..
only Him, the All Mighty wud know my future being..
how am i suppose to repay my mum,my dad if cudnt even bring myself up..
help me my lord..
ive only U..

12 March 2010

..ya rab..

اللهم ان كان اجلي قد حضر فارحنئ وان
كان متاخرافارفعن وان كان بلا ء فصبرنئ
ys Allah..
if my time to go in thru my pain..
ease it for me...
if is still far..let it go from me..
and if its a test..
let me be patience to it..

for only U who can cure me..
when the gift of sickness is bestowed upon me..
Feeling Blue
ya Rabbi..
join me with the righteous..
forgive me for keep disobeying Ur law.. Ur order..please do forgive me..
when the tears starts to drops..
Crying 1
nothing could hold it long.. and let it stop..
sumtimes.. i feel like im living in my own world..
i miss my brother.. my sister..
miss my hamster..
dunt know..
feel like im nobody.. use_less person..
n yeah.. a true friend is one who is with u at all time..
thru thick or thin..
near or far away..
and ackwardly.. i dont think im anyone true friend...
i thought coming back home i could talk to my pets..
but my cat juz gave birth.. so she's giving full attention to her babies..
ok.. now im jealous of my kittens..
-get a break dude.. pegi la kuar juper org..
u thought u could study.. but, dont think so now..
im getting far and further away from him..
i should not do so..
despite where i stand, where im breathing..
he should always be near me..
as uve declared ur love to him, endlessly b4..
look back at the gift he gave u..
at his words..full of meaningful...
get back..get back..
please do..

11 March 2010

one thing ive learned..
never to trust 100% to human..
memang benar mula2 kata sebegini..
tapi, yg terjadi kemudian sebaliknya..

u need to reflect ur self back..
to what extend do u follow what u ask others to do..


dah2, gi study!

09 March 2010

my headache has resurface..
i need to find a way to go out for a walk at any park..
this is soo not good..
i miss my bike.. or more correctly, sal's bike..


06 March 2010


ya Allah.. tetapkan diriku pada jalan yang satu.. jalan yang Engkau redhai..

berada di satu realiti kehidupan, membuatkan diriku sedar, selama ini

smua itu hanyalah satu persinggahan..

forgive me for not able to act accordingly..

only U i have, and only to U i belong..

give me anything that will be best for me in this deen..

my trust, my soul is only  to U..

-pen off-