24 November 2010

jUdgéMÉnT..2 choóse btwn 2

yes this person here today have a confession to make..

one can no longer see itself in this path, in the the next 10 years..

or even 5.. or 3.. or 1..

every now & then, one will keep trying to recall, why had it choose this path..
when there were many others outlay spreading at the frontier view..

perhaps it was because of friends..

or perhaps there was something that it want to prove to those around it at that time..

well, first it seems great..
after it was 1st bitten by the not-so nice mosquitoes.. that cause it to be 1 week of leave back in early year of 2005..
its was given an achievement to counter it back in the final exam of that year..
and so it continues up till end of the following year..

then, it all started when it went back across the ocean to take summer school..
then it started to realize.. its brain is no longer working optimally as it used to work the year before..
it thought its becoz of the increase of workload..due to the higher difficulty it'll go from 1 sems to the other..

having a concerned mum, when she took me straight to meet a prof. dr.. and
one showed sign of another break out burst..
refuse to believe as it was, one was given different med to encounter it, with hope, it was not as the signs showed it to be..

one have to wonder.. was this out break a sign for me to step back from the path back then..
yes, this vigorously occur when one say to commit fully on the path..
this path..

and now, a great thankful to the all mighty, for letting me the chance to obtain attribution to my painful 4 years studies (actually,it was the last 2 years was the worst)

am now back home..
and thought, okay, it can now commit fully..
yes, the sun does not seem to bright on this path.. but there is hope for it to rise up again..
well, that what one were exposed/thought on..

but, each day it seem more and more challenging for one to give all out to it..
1st was at home..
after full try & error for months..
one realize, to get their acceptance of what it believe, one has to to things that they like to do..
its not that is not permitted.. but in this path, one learned that avoid these habits to be a good person..

so, now.. one has to choose between
A: family versus faith

2nd was work environment..
after a few weeks there, it thought it could get change them.. instill better faith.. if not all, a few will be enough..
but one then realize, it only work in the fasting month..
and after that, everything goes back the same..
and some even worse..
so one better endeavor new experience..
as if one stays here longer, sooner or later, it'll adapt to the bad habits

3rd is the new pathetic disease..
recently got to do the brain & spinal cord scan..
and d result showed it got worse here..
now.. one has to choose..
there were even cases that some were comas becoz of the bad growth of the lesions in d brain..

of all these.. there are more..
but i guess.. it'l be toO long to tale it out..

important is, now i have to choose between 2..

which road should i take..

the one lease ridden or the one that will ease me to hold on to my remaining life in this world..

11 November 2010

when one feel lost in d world...
there's only 1 hope to gain bck d strength..
etc2.. huh,ive lost interest to write/continue this thing

dis morning.. one of my colleague @ work place has kept it promise to buy me ice-cream 4 my bday..gave me 2 in fact.. :)
alhmdllh.. tq fwen..

to think bout it again.. so irony..
not that i want gift or celebration.. but juz 4 simple wish is enough..
d one who were my true friends who actually wish me to it (wlpn dh tua..hoho)
n i thanks Him for giving me these friends.. thru thick and thru thin..
near and far.. will remain as my love of trust no matter where they are..

mngkn dulu dpt byk2 greetings..sbb terpakse kut mereka2 itu..
hoho.. now that i'm Far away.. im out of their bound to continue to build up d r/ship..

ok la.. i dont wanna think bout this.
i have my cat,big kittens,baby kitten n hamsters as my fwens to talk with..
nite2.. a great day ahead 2morow..biiznilah

10 November 2010

ive wait and wait..
and it feels like waiting for the moOn to drop from the sky~
ok, i give up.. if there's none by this week..
i wont give..
u cant give what you didnt get..

06 November 2010

i juz realize 1 thing..

my decision to step into this path alter everything in my life all together..

i did not put much effort in my school work as i should..well, people will then called me as a nerd.. for i juz kept on studying (bck in Au16)..

then, that its when i get close to people.. cause me to think more on them than what was my aim for being there in a country out from my land.. again, cause me to lack in my studies..

later on, when i was diagnosed with ms, it at 1st only cause changes a bit.. but further on later, i guess, was the perception that people with dat disease will not and cud never perform in studies.. must somehow make a 'placébo' effect in me..

huhu.. ok, now that i realize it..

only 1 thing left to figure it out..


i know.. and i wanna change.. need to figure whether im up to it is juz by trying..


04 November 2010

04 Nov 2010

as always..
no one remembers it except my mum, & sis..
hehe.. no worries..
and of course, on every thing i'd register tO, of course 'they' will keep sending me bday wishes..


but come to think about it again, i've lived up till 8397 days up till this day..

yet, how many was my deeds, and did it overcome the sins i've committed..

sumthing to ponder and think about..


gerun duh.. mampukah diri ni nk ckp dh dpt 8397 pahala ..?
when i think that each day, my sins will always weigh heavier..

n tadi duk cari2..

and yes, i was born on 11rabiullawal, which falls on prophet (pbuh) birth date on that year (according to msia calender)..

its an honor for me.. and yet its put an aim for me to reach..
did my actions meet up to him(pbuh)..

horro plak rasenyer..

it was great that 2morow is a day off.. alhamdulillah
alhamdulillahi Rabbi, for giving me an opportunity to live up again today..
alhamdulillahi Rabbi for giving me the guidance and trust all the way, up till today..
and alhamdulillahi Rabbi for everything, from the smallest speck of micro, to the largest of things, He bestowed upon me without stopping..

alhamdulillah.. alhamdulillah..