18 December 2012

hari ini, aku hampir mengalami kemalangan ketika ke tempat kerja.. ini smua disebabkan kecuaian diri..

dengan mengantuknya membawa kereta, hampir saja aku dilanggar orang sekali dan hampir melanggar tembok jalan raya sekali..

huhu.. mungkin hari ini bukan masa untuk aku pergi.. dan diselamatkan olehNya dengan menyedarkan aku dalam kecuaian itu..

perlu aku ambil iktibar dari kejadian dinihari ini..

17 November 2012

sometimes i am frustrated.. each day, each moment in my life..

while i am at my workplace, it seem people don't really like to hang out with me..
and honestly, i dislike my current work..

at home, the same follows.. i know he is the yougest child in the tree, but i think its a bit unfair, for giving him the opportunity to do what i am not allowed to do..

i know this behaviour is soo unamtured, and childish.. but what can i do..? its  feeling that keep on haunting me day and night...

28 October 2012

everyday i keep on questioning myself.. why me?

out of those people out there at that time, why did it have to be me..?

and today as i read on this verse from the One who choose me to deal with it, i then realise, there u go..

"And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it"

there are sins which will keep on haunting me... and i guess, the illness i have to face for my entire lifetime is a punishment of the sins i've commited..

yet, i keep on trying to improve myself of not making more sins, yet the pain will be the one to keep on haunting me..

give me strength my Lord..

23 October 2012

lately, my legs are not doing well..

and it kind of making me sad..

i thought as i grow up older, i'll be the one who'll assist my mum in walking and moving due to her old age.. yet, i'm the one who is dependent on walking and moving while im still young, in mid 20's..

thought i can still walk despite being slow and all, how will i do as i grow older..

now i wonder, does this happen to me becoz of any specific reasons ..?

when i was still in school backthen, i can roam and run around freely around,,

i can cycle with joy..

yet, i could not do so now..

i wonder... and i'll keep on wonder.. hmmm

17 August 2012

the fasting month has almost come to the end..

come to think about it.. i wonder why and why..

in this bless month, one ought to gave beneficial things in it..

yet, the more i choose to get closer to Him, more people, friends are running further away from me..

it must be my fault. my one wrong doing..

but what was it..?

i need to reflect and reflect this back why does it occur...

till then.. O Lord, please bless me with Your Love and Your creatures love..

22 July 2012

setiap tahun, masuk bulan ramadhan.. aku pasti akan alami perkara yang sama..

apabila masuk kepada waktu2 berbuka.. aku pasti akan sakit kepala..

dan ia memang sangat sakit.. hendak kata disebabkan aku berpuasa pada pagi hari, kalau ikutkan, aku pernah juga puasa2 pada hari di luar bulan ramadhan..

ntahlah.. aku boleh sahaja kalau sakit kepada tika berbuka.. yang aku sedih, sakitnya bertambah ketika hendak solat.. lebih2 lagi hendak solat tarawikh..

pada tahun2 sebelumnya, aku boleh juga ke masjid untuk tunaikan solat tarawikh di sana.. tapi sejak tahun lepas, aku tak berani nk ke masjid, disebabkan sakit kepala aku ni..

nak kata ini helah shaitan, bulan ramadhan, shaitan dah ikat, dibelenggu.. supaya tak dapat nak menganggu umat islam ketika puasa..

kalau difikir2kan balik, aku pernah mengalami sakit kepala ketika sujud di sekolah dahulu, semasa di tingkatan 2,3.. kira 13,14 tahun dahulu.. tapi itu aku hanya abaikan..

tapi kini, aku tahu, penyakit aku itulah yang mungkin penyebabnya..

walahuálam.. aku kini, hanya mampu solat dirumah sahaja masa bulan ramdhan ini.

hanya harap, Allah menerima akan amalku seadanya..

30 June 2012

O Lord, if everything that You had lay it out for me is a sign for me go, do let me leave in peace with full of Your pleasure in my life to this very day..

26 June 2012

if indeed my time to go has come to tow..
do forgive me Lord, purify my deeds from rot..
accept my faith as it reach its peak..
save me from slipping down as i walk on the thinnest string...
i might not conveyed my deepest love to You..
knowing Your love is way up high, beyond the horizon sky..
hope its enough to bound me in to enter Your paradise..

25 June 2012

rasa seperti mcm nk kena osteoporosis pada usia yang suku abad ini.. mintak dijauhkan Allah daripada menghadapinya..

20 June 2012

wow.. it has been more than 4 months i've written something here..

well, it might be becoz i either did not have the mood the write.. or i did'nt have anything to shout it loud here..

at work, the past couple of weeks are the most hectic time i guess..

since there's only 4 of us in specific sector, and 1 of us are warded because of an injury and the other 1 is always out to meet client, it only left to us both.. while the work is coming on heavier and heavier each week..

and from both of us who are available in the office, 1 have other work to focus too.. and sadly, it left me alone to carry out all..

well, it's not that i'm whining or anything.. as believe it or not, i somehow enjoyed these busy weeks...

rather than the days where there are no work to be done.. and waiting for time to pass by..

and to be exact, out of the 8 works, there's left only two to be done..

today, the one who meets the clients return to the office, i willingly give one of my unfinished work to him as to be truth, i actually only have a vague idea on how to run it..

or else, i certainly love finished it voluntarily..

honestly, im a person who like to start a job, and finish it well, without delay and without putting on burden to others..

and there's only 1 more work i need to finish it out by end of this week,,

All Mighty Lord, Allah SwTaála, please ease me my work.. as my work is solely with the intention for Your Pleasure..

21 May 2012

d heart is in doubt..

Dear Lord,

Your humble servant here seek for Your reassurance..

i know that i've asked for Your tests..

yet, my heart feels sorrow facing and encounter each of the rest..

forgive me Ya Rabb.. for not accepting Your gifts..

for each the test You've bestowed one to face, its a sign of Your love to Your servants.. the higher the difficulties, sign of higher level of Your love to each of us..

Make me reassurance in facing all Your current tests, and the ones that will come..

Let the life i'm now facing, is to train me to face the future ahead..

And thank you Ya Rabb, Alhamdulillah, for letting me a month closer to the blessing month of ramadhan..

and let me the chance to enter the coming month of sha'ban.. and then, to enter ramadhan..

To You, I seek.. To You I will cease..

and let me cease in gaining Your pleasure till I'm admitted to Your Jannah without resist..

28 April 2012

its been a year...

to think about it.. i do come to my realisation here..

1st.. the closer we get to Him.. the higher we are put at stack..

thus, the further away we are from Him.. the more we are put at ease.. until it see, to us as if there could not be any better life than we're currently in..

so, yeah.. when we part away from Him, and all of a sudden, we came to turn back and be close to Him, that's when we'll be tested to an immediate..

to majority of people out there will just seem its unfair.. as How could He make it a burden to those who choose to be more obedient, truthful to Him..

and here, He had stated it in His words centuries before..

such testimons were stated in al-ankábut, verse 2..as it meant as below..

"Do the people think that they will left to say, "we believe"and they will not be tried (tested)?"

but let not be stressed when we are being tried..

do know, He only test His servants whom He loved..

Its kind of weird to show affection by causing difficulties to that person..

yet, again.. its to distinguish, whether should He love that person more or otherwise..

one who testify his/her love to Him, and after being tested numerous times because of the love confessions to Him.... the love for Him is never disrupt .. do know, He, The All Mighty, had loved that person even more.. the greatest of all....

02 April 2012

im hating everything!!!!

1st my workmate..

now, both of my parents!!!!

they treat me as i dont even exist!

find, you guys want it that way, i'll make sure you guys never to notice im here!

29 March 2012

i dont know why.. but people have the tendency to overlooked my ability to do any task and work..

is it cause by my 'child' look..? or i am so easy to be pass on..

well, now at my work place, my HOD do not trust my ability to work..

1. whenever i do my so called project, she will question it.. either loudly or queietly.. i do know this because instead of using the work i've done to be submitted to our clients, she will use the one previously done by my colleage who has a few years experience done me.. well, the thing is, although the project seem similar.. but do know, there are differences between the specifications given in my project as compare to the one by my work mate..

2. i did my project by going thru the specifications carefully, yet, when our workmate across the sea question the one that i've proposed, she automatically blamed me, saying i'm not taking my job seriously.. but honestly, when i confront face to face, then only she goes thru the work i did, and saw i fulfilled the specifications required by the client.. and oh.. she embarassed me in front of all work mate by including everyone in the email she sent to me, demanding to comply with the client's requisition...

3. i have not been given any opporutnity to attend meetings... well, i do need to attend to train up my skills to face and address client in the future..well, if im still working there..
the thing is, im just a desk worker for one and a half years.. as i recalled, when i was given the choice of choosing between this work or the sales, she told me, both work have the opportunity ot travel a lot.. well, until this very moment, im yet to see it come true as promised..

now u see.. why i think i should find a job.. at a place that value my work..
hmm.. oh, well, my boss appreciate my work..
its just my HOD who deemed otherwise..

25 February 2012

today, im not sure why... but it keep on popping on my mind.. the 'if' dilemma..

> if i had done xxx  back then, perhaps things will have been xxxx

toO much if's been gagging me...

i know.. its not good to laid the 'if' dilemma in me..

but im not sure why and how it ever come across my mind out of a sudden..

i dont think i did anything to trigger it out..

hm.. perhaps this is a disturbance by the so-called shaitan..

well.. i have to take a different approach to address this dilemma..

while the 'if' could not be turn back.. i should then do it now.. in the presence..

there is never a limit or boundary to begin fresh in new things..

so, i should do it all.. while i still last on this earth.. better now or never..

18 February 2012

its been a while since i post my day here..

well, as it goes.. there's nothing much to rant about..

my little bro is here.. as its been a while since i met him..

and yes, i love him without doubt..

yet.. when i still look him as younger.., how he grown over the past 3 years..

and now i have to admit it.. i can no longer see him as young as i always thought he would be..

nway, bout my disease.. it not getting worst nor is it getting any better..

thank you to The One, for halting the progress from getting any worse..

as usual.. my headache is troubting more and more often.. and sometime it could get really painful..

its not that i mind..
its just when the attack occurred, it was at the moment im cruising the wheel on the road..

it will be a problem, if any acciddent occur.. no only to my family, but to the people around as it will certainly cause traffic to be heavy...

well... i now have to bring my pills wherever im on move i guess..

let my trust in The All Mighty.. The Ta'ala..