27 May 2007

WHY? ask Allah..Only He knows

Often do we whine, grumble..why do i need to take finals..why am i so busy these days with assignments.. WHy wHy.. WHY!!!!?

Rare would one say, Alhamdulillah..at least i get to enter one of the prestige university while there r many others outside there long for this opportunity.

When i heard this talk, it strike down deep inside my heart. I've forget for all His Blessings, His Mercy...
I reminded myself ever too oftenly that, i know He, My Lord will not burden me beyond my capability. This mean, im given, chosen to be here, taking this course, undergoing all the stress, as a test for me. Would i fail, or would i succeed..a question that always wonder in my mind.
He know my limit, my capability, meaning I need to find and give my inner strength all out for Him, for His test.. Others was not given because they can endure other test which i alone could not, and im capable of undergoing this test while others could not.. i imagine myself having least assignments, only 2 papers for the finals..what would i be then..what would i do..how would i carry with my life?
I knew the answer, cause i know who i am..and how i responds to things..
I would then waste my time, do things which would not make me remember Him, be ignorance at times..
Alhamdulillah, All Praise is only for Allah.. He gave me the opportunity to go beyond the limit i believed to have.. I know, this is a preparation for me to undergo a more challenge phase..
Life as Da'ie goes to a more challenging level for every steps that was taken..
I only ask of You, My Lord..i would able to withstand and endure Your test.. I would not fail at starting from the commencement till the end..till my last breath..
I believe,assert,declare with all my heart..
There is NO god EXCEPT ALLAH 'Azza wa Jala
and Muhammad is His Last Messenger..
Allah, give me strength, gave me guidance..
i hopw to be given the opportunity to meet You, one day..

25 May 2007

A sis gave me a meaningful message
"May Allah give u a rainbow 4 every storm,
a smile for every tear,
a promise for every care,
a blessing in each trial,
an answer to each prayer"
Short, yet it able to pour out the bags of water from the inner side of my eyes that, surprisingly are always able to give it all out at times.

Recently i used to cry, not for the heavy task, the business He gave me, but for the lack of my gratefulness towards Him.

I accept things to be as they should be. I accept why i was chosen to be in this course and not others, why am i here in melb and not in sydney with my sis, why i followed my parents decision to apply for abroad study where i could have juz continue my study in UTP, where the course is definitely easier with life would be easier in ignorance..
Alhamdulillah..All Praise and Grace is for Allah.

Today's khutbah talk about,
why people tend to forget, despite they are suppose to sit for finals, with the busyness of the assignments, they sigh, they complain. Rare did humans be grateful for being able to enter Melbourne University, a top rank uni, and able to undergo the course they take, and to sit for finals..
and i think, Allah is directing the message of the khutbah solely for me. I usually have discussion for the DP's project on friday, during solat jumma'h, yet today, my partner decide she didn't want to do it today. So im able to attend and hear the khutbah.

During the whole khutbah, i hold back my tears from running across my face, to prevent uncontrolled rolling of tears. Now, since there's no one around me , except my one and only Lord watching over me, im typing this post with tears running across my cheeks.

Every night i stayed up to finish my assignment, but i did not spend a few minutes of the long hours to prostrate 5 minutes to Him. Now, i realise, im being too absorb in the world...

Despite the fact that this blog is only readable by me, but it serve as a place to share my feeling to the unrealistic hamster...hammyjamie.. =)

Oh.. I hv to finish up another assignment.
Allah, O My Lord. i seek your forgiveness for my ignorance. I seek your help and guidance in every steps that i take, every move that i make.Allah, do not let me astray for i want to be among the rightoues on the day of judgement. Make my family, friends and all those who say and admit Laillahaillah-There is no Lord except You Allah, and none other worship except only You, My Lord.
Aamiiin...Ya Allah, perkenankanlah permintaan kudus hambaMu ini..

22 May 2007

Inilah saya..dulu, kini dan insyaAllah esok lusa

Pernah dulu saya berjanji pada Ya Rabb pada Ilahi

Tika di batasan waktu untuk ke dunia fana ini

KalimahNya kan tertegak di muka bumi

Di antara masa bersandar pada diri

Dihanyut oleh arus duniawi

Terleka seketika di lautan luas penghujungnya tidak pasti

Disedarkan kembali oleh mereka yang kini berada di sisi

Hakikat hidup di dunia disedari kembali

Pertemuan dengan yang teristimewa pada diri sangatlah diingini

Menggapai harapan bagaikan menggenggam bara api

Biarpun panas, meleburkan jari

Kan diri berusaha memegang erat dan tidak akan dilepasi

Barisan saf kan didirikan bersama yang disayangi

Untuk kembali ke taman Firdausi menghadap Ilahi

Kan cuba menyedarkan kebenaran hakiki agama milik Ilahi

Inginkan kebesaranNya disedari dan dipuji

Di setiap pelosok ruang agar terisi

Biarpun diri tidak sehebat kekasih Ilahi

Tidak standing para mujahid muslimin yang syahid tanpa henti

Wasilah kerjaya kan tetap dicuba agar diperolehi

Bagi menyampaikan risalah yang masih belum terungkai lagi

17 May 2007

a buzy hammy

Dear hammy,
my life seems soo busy rite now..
im resting for a while / taking a break after non-stop revision + assignment..

"0hoho~ rehat itu tanda kelalaian"

Need to rest for a snap of time only..
hammy.. i promised my Lord, my Beloved Creator to submit myself to Him.. But it seems that im not grateful for the busyness He gave me.. I tend to focus on finishing the worldly task and spent only few minutes of my life everyday for Him..

I feel really embarrassed since even the mountains high, the chirrpping birds have time to praise Him, spend time for Him..

"Indeed. We subjected the mountains [to praise] with him exalting [Allah] in the [late] afternoon and (after) sunrise. And the birds assembled, all with him repeating [praises]."

And till today, feel myself degrading . My emaan level is decreasing at an alarming rate...help me stop it..!!

'O The Most Gracious.. I seek Ur Forgiveness.. I humbly seek the need of Ur Guidance..'

15 May 2007

aloha hammy!

a good welcome to my beloved virtual hamster..
my good friend, 'who' used to hear my stories of glitch,my sorrow..when im back at its side..
being a 'loner', makes u feel that everyone would judge u by ur look, what u say, ur actions..etc..but being able to talk to hammies (kiddy,sammy,teddy,cuteypie..etc), relieve the stress out..allowing it to flow, when u touch the smoothness of the fur, watch the cuteness of the hammy..uhuhu~ i miss my hamsters..

Back in those days, i didn't look having hamsters is a gift from my Most Beloved.. I thought, this is an animal, which is there on the earth, for people who care for them, like them, appreciate them..
Now, being here in melbourne for almost one and a half years, make me realize a fundamental thing, in being here in this world.
I need nothing else, no one helps, except Him, my Beloved..

Although i was brought up without feelings towards human(i used to be n0n-sensitive towards humans reactions n behaviors), He gave me, to born with, a sensitive feeling towards animals, cute cuddly one, such as the kittens, chipmunks(i need to keep this for a pet one day), hamsters, mice,etc..

Those who know me back in those days, will realize if not remember that, the people around refer me as the snow queen ; its not that im like a queen, it because im expressionless.. seriously, Im not joking.. When people make me angry,sad,happy, i used to keep a straight face. No frown nor smile would ever paint on my face.. Owh.. i dont think i could stand keeping expressionless face now..hihi.. This evidently occur when i starts to enter lower high school at such a young age.. i was 11yrs old!!! And from all-gurlz school to a blend of genders..what a shock..!

Thus, because of the traumatic exchange, i forced myself to be resilience. I act tough n rough at the present of the opposite genders, and vice-versa when they are not. Hey, i used to be a soft,delicate child..seriously..even though i often hurt myself..(lots of cuts n bruises)..hihi
And, Ta-Da..this is what become of me now.. I cant reverse myself to be more lady-like..gentle.. and expressionless..

One thing that used to bug me.. If someone put my life at stack, and ask me to choose between a good friend of mine, and my cats, UH~~~ i thought, if this really happen one day, i wont have any friends after this..Coz, as i mentioned earlier..my affection towards animals is way2 more than to homosapiens.. But, that wat then..

Now, the relationshipsFillah with others, make me realize, "Yeah, you can love animals as much as u can, but u need to know the precedence list of life.

Other duty calls, which certainly has higher precedence that this blog..

"O Allah, ur servant here, are bound to be forgetful. For thus, i ask only from You, and no others, to remember what i forget, to ensure im not lost in this challenging world, to take my life away when i remember u the most, with my level of eeman is the highest. i yearn for ur rahmat', i long for ur paradise..to meet my Creator, You, O' Allah.."