in the gloomy nite..
to express words which one could not portray..
yet, one know.. its one duty to run
so now, one'll ask..
are u okay for d past few days..?
its not for me touch d bruise of the scar..
and not for me to shake for the leaves to drop
yet, if one's need to warm the cold, to comfort the shivers..
be happy to be there..
no matter when nor where..

to lend the drums of the ears..
for each heartrising, after each beats
for what had thy gave..
one will never able to repay
thus, with this..
a high peak mountain of gratitudes..
which only one can say..
yet, one leave it all to Him to repay..

d heart says...-2

as i open my eyes..
darkness fills my sight..
i look across, and i was surprised..
morning has long gone
and night has settled in
oh, what a day..
time has endlessly proceeds..

across the heavens,
beautifully scattered..
the gaze of wonders,
the stars of the universe..

beneath the glide of clouds,
shyly peeking pass it thru..
the glow of the crescent..
the light of the moon..
and one keep on wondering..
bout the moment of truth..

how was today..?
what has one portray?
has the truth been revealed..
to the eyesight blinded with falsehood within..

my love..
oh my Lord..
how has one shown one affection
that one endlessly say
would one love be accepted
will one be anguished
O Mightly Lord..
do accept one deeds
accept one Love..
though one carelessly taken care of it..
do take one back,
when one in her best state of faith within..

25/2/09

with His name, i begin..

recently has been quite a week..

really grateful to You Allah, for giving me the opportunity to proceed my duty as Your humble servant..

im currently teaching myself Allah, to face all my pain with gratitude to You..

now im trying my best to smile at all times, no matter how painful it can be..

help me to do so my Lord..

my love is only for You, Allah.. and only You..

let each of my action display the beauty of Your Deen..

there's no one here that i can really express my feelings..

only to You Allah, only You..

whats in my heart, my soul, i dont need to express it out, for You have known whats deep down inside..

let the pain in my foot, leg, ribs and hands be a reminder for me, for my bad actions that i've done..

if each sickness You bestowed upon me could wash away my sins, i'll always be glad for the sickness to come by and streak..

if the time has come for me to go, before my parents' , do forgive their sins, for they were brought up in an environment of falsehood, and its my fault for not able to portray to them to the true teaching of islam.. forgive them Allah, forgive my mum, my dad, my sister, my brother.. and do forgive Your humble servant here Allah.. please forgive me..

and do give light of guidance to my beloved friends,
to zunita,
to akila,
to badriah,
to haslinda,
to hazirah,
to syafiqah,
to syaira..

help them to open up their hearts to You..
please do..

and bestow Your rahmah to all my beloved sisters, akhawat here in melbourne, in sydney, in canberra, in perth, in adelaide, in brisbane, in malaysia, and everywhere throughout the universe..

Ya Allah, jika Engkau mentakdirkan mati, matikanlah pemilik-pemilik hati kami sebagai para syuhada di jalanMu.. tetapkanlah kami di atas jalan yang hakiki..
jauhkan kami dari azab nerakaMu,
masukkkanlah kami ke dalam syurga FirdausMu..
redhailah segala amalan kami..
izinkan kami dalam memperjuangkan kebenaran melawan kebatilan di sisi..
bantulah kami dengan apa cara sekali pun,
hanya Engkau mengetahui apa yang terbaik buat diri kami..
Perkenankanlah Ya Allah..Ya Rahman.. Ya Rahim..

dear beloved sis..

when one falls down, you held one arms

when one in despair, you gave one hope, that He is always there

you've help one thru..

no matter when nor where..



now..

the sadness that fills your eyes..

striken one's heart

for she knows,

something is bothering you

your life

your heart

your mind

your soul

one feels the urge to grap hold of you

to be the pole for you to hold

as what you've been to one, not long time ago

yet no matter how one say

no matter how one portray

the real reliever of all distress

is Him,

and only Him..

the All Mighty..



yet one will easily be happy to lend a shoulder

to loan one's heart

to share one's time

for one beloved sis..



you are never alone..

in this world, nor high up above

Allah is always there for you..

so stay strong sis..

may He reassure your heart..

in every color

that fills this worldly life..

prasie to Allah

i've taken supplement exams recently

i took it because i see the need to improve my grades..

one may say, "kejayaan di dunia itu tidak bermakna, kejayan akhirat itu yang kita kejari''

but i need to reply,

if thats the case, y did rasulullah encourage his companions to achieve great things in the world?

and to keep truth about this deen, in today's world, a high 'dunya' ranking play uphold an important positions.

im saying this because, i've look at my own parent perception

when they saw someone who's education level is not too high, they tend to look down upon them

_______-

I've took 3 paper for 2 subjects..
and ALL PRAISE to ALLAH S.W.T

for i know i did not really study focusely
but He really did help me throughout the exams..
plus, He put reassurance in my heart..

im sorry my Lord..
i'll try to be ur humble servant here
abidurrahman..
keep me steadfast to the true path..
and if they go astray,
lead me away far from them
to You i belong, to YOu i'll return..

in the rise of the day..

chilling winds sweeps thru ..

eeirie to the mind,

yet refresh the body and soul ..

there's a call from the day..

to travel across the earth ..

bring peace and joy..

the need of truth ..

spreading justice as one pass thru ..

walking with dignity..

for its too honorable, and that is this deen..

this bones inside,

the soul within

no matter how one might be..

for Him, one will continue to proceed..

till with Him, one will once again meet..

-isL-

okay.. today, 18th october 2008.. i was actually involved what could be called as accident

it was around 3.30 am (or so)..

riding slwn's bike back home..
but dont know how, or why.. my maneuvering slip and hit sumthing (which i donnt what it is calle,
and to prevent the bike from skidding straight to the main road, i had to turn it and hit the road sign pole..
and the hit was hard because my helmet that i was securely wearing flew straight from my head to the center of the road lane..
which i would say from physics or mechanics perspective, there's a quite huge inertia involved..

i was grateful for it was not me who flew to the middle of the road though it almost feels like it..
i had to use my leg(?) forcing down myself and the bike from joining the helmet which had caused my leg to be slightly injured..
what a shock i got.. and during the time of incident there's no other vehicles or people around (i think) except a garbage truck far front at the other side of the road..

I had to take the helmet back and retreat to the side of the road.. for the pain was actually unbearable at that time plus the shock
caused me not to cycle straight back home.. and when i was staying at the side, cars from the perpendicular road passageway had come..
i guess they were confused for why i did not go as the light on my side was green..
whateve...

after a few minutes, i decided im ready to cycle back home..and i guess, He made it happen during my way back for a good reason..
as i did not need to cycle energitically as the slope back home is downwards.. thus gravity is pulling, initiating my bike to keep moving foward..
reaching back home.. i look at my leg..
there a straight continues circles of bruise on my right leg.. and it ended with some bruises and cuts (presence of slight blood) at the bottom of it..

oh~Oh..
what a clumsy person i had been
wanted to clean it, but i know it'll cause stinge and pain at the wound area..
after conflicting with myself (u r crazy ysn), i decided, well i might as well take a bath instead.. and that what i did..
it was painful taking a bath and an experience i hope will teach me to be more alert and careful in d time to come..

oh.. btw.. i dont think the medicine im taking to treat the ms is working..
it keep causing further develop symptom to come straight after on another..
i dont know why does it occure that way..
i guess my body is always acting opposing to what should be happening ( i guess its the reason im getting ms here)
to go to sleep, i need to take caffiene
to be focused, i need to do a simultaneous task at the same time-eg. drawing while listening to lectures
to not get fever.. go out and play in the rainfall
...etc

sort of like an 'alien' in the sense

though i already felt like it..
in my course, i feel alone.. no close friends to discuss what is being learned, to do assignments..
..toshare things happening in life..thick and thin of it.. im always being laughed by my 'collegues'..
outside, i feel like a burden to those whom i know-the one with the same faith im in..
to say im doing what Allah is odering.. i dont think i've done it all

if i ask Allah for death.. have i done enough deeds for me to enter His Paradise without needing to enter the hell-fire even for a moment?
if i ask Allah for life.. to what extend can i stand people mockery on me..
Please forgive me Allah.. for not being grateful for everything You bestowed on me..
forgive me...