yes this person here today have a confession to make..
one can no longer see itself in this path, in the the next 10 years..
or even 5.. or 3.. or 1..
every now & then, one will keep trying to recall, why had it choose this path..
when there were many others outlay spreading at the frontier view..
perhaps it was because of friends..
or perhaps there was something that it want to prove to those around it at that time..
well, first it seems great..
after it was 1st bitten by the not-so nice mosquitoes.. that cause it to be 1 week of leave back in early year of 2005..
its was given an achievement to counter it back in the final exam of that year..
and so it continues up till end of the following year..
then, it all started when it went back across the ocean to take summer school..
then it started to realize.. its brain is no longer working optimally as it used to work the year before..
it thought its becoz of the increase of workload..due to the higher difficulty it'll go from 1 sems to the other..
having a concerned mum, when she took me straight to meet a prof. dr.. and
one showed sign of another break out burst..
refuse to believe as it was, one was given different med to encounter it, with hope, it was not as the signs showed it to be..
one have to wonder.. was this out break a sign for me to step back from the path back then..
yes, this vigorously occur when one say to commit fully on the path..
and now, a great thankful to the all mighty, for letting me the chance to obtain attribution to my painful 4 years studies (actually,it was the last 2 years was the worst)
am now back home..
and thought, okay, it can now commit fully..
yes, the sun does not seem to bright on this path.. but there is hope for it to rise up again..
well, that what one were exposed/thought on..
but, each day it seem more and more challenging for one to give all out to it..
1st was at home..
after full try & error for months..
one realize, to get their acceptance of what it believe, one has to to things that they like to do..
its not that is not permitted.. but in this path, one learned that avoid these habits to be a good person..
so, now.. one has to choose between
A: family versus faith
2nd was work environment..
after a few weeks there, it thought it could get change them.. instill better faith.. if not all, a few will be enough..
but one then realize, it only work in the fasting month..
and after that, everything goes back the same..
and some even worse..
so one better endeavor new experience..
as if one stays here longer, sooner or later, it'll adapt to the bad habits
3rd is the new pathetic disease..
recently got to do the brain & spinal cord scan..
and d result showed it got worse here..
now.. one has to choose..
there were even cases that some were comas becoz of the bad growth of the lesions in d brain..
of all these.. there are more..
but i guess.. it'l be toO long to tale it out..
important is, now i have to choose between 2..
which road should i take..
the one lease ridden or the one that will ease me to hold on to my remaining life in this world..