she hate u..
not that she hate Allah creation..
but she hate herself for not able to be a good servant of Allah..
each steps one take..
rarely do one remember Allah..
and when Allah decides to remind one instantaneously by each event that occur.. only then one remember.. one had forgot Him today..
Forgive her Lord... Forgive one here....
3 acccidents had occur concurrently, which i 1st started it during the easter break..
its a sign..
and one here have known.. there will be other accidents follow by.. but one did not realise it to be followed by 2 others...
and one just realise.. this is not d one that one predicted..
for this means, there will 1 more to come...
O Allah, let it not be other akhawat involve in any accident.. this cause trauma to them.. cause pain and difficulties in movement..
There are essential in moving this work.. this da'wah work..
if it need to occur to remind people of death.. then take one here instead to face it..
For one is no longer needed in doing this da'wah..
one do not want to cause burden to other people.. so let one here take it..
Though one know, paradise is no longer open for one here..
But, no matter how long one live.. one will never enter paradise anymore..
Forgive one here Allah.. for not able to obey Your Law.. Ur mandate.. Ur guidance..
one am really2 sorry Allah... she try her best to improve it each time.. but it certainly failed doing so..
Though it dont think it can bear Ur punishment of Hellfire... but there's no other place for one to be in the here after..
since one is will never even smell the scene of paradise, what more to be permitted to enter paradise..
one will surely enter the hellfire...
and the tourment in the grave is also too painful.. yet...
O Allah.. though one here longs to meet U one day.. to meet Rasulullah saw as well..
but it will juz be one dream.. a dream one will never able to achieve..
Forgive ur humble servant here..
one will be brave to enter hellfire for lifetime as long as i know, You had indeed forgiven one here, Allah..
but deep down, i know, You will never even want to look at one here when one enter the hellfire..
am really, truely sorry for not able to be ur real abid..