8/3/09

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

Today one decided to attend the bbq masca for one reason..
to find out how does the masca bbq really runs on..
and it was totally revolting..
for it seems there's no difference between a muslim based activity to the non-muslims..

there were no barrier between male and females..

no doubt that there are couples who attend are connected legally thru marriage..
but how about others out there..?

To meet one's beloved friends,
each mind have been blotted by the west culture way of socialize, stricken one's heart here..
Yet, one was grateful one was there..
for the presence of one there actually embarassed the opposite gender to linger for a long time with one's friend..

O Allah, protect us from going against your mandate..

And after that one was back home again..

This is when things starts to happen again..
Y'day, during d academic day, one nearly faint in the MPH.
When one realise it, one take one chance to get out of it, before things happen.
For it will be a mess if one really faint inside.
Dah la dah kelam kabut persiapan academic day,
it'll make things look more worse if one really faint inside..
So, one decided to go out to the nearby rest place (x ingt dah name aper.. truk btul).
And one sit there, think it was about 1 hour or so.. For one could not remember what happen. Perhaps, one have really collapse there without realising it.
Bila sedar jer, blur2 jap..
tgh pikir, why am i here..?
and what am i wearing..?
It took quite a time b4 one here remember,
"oh, im involve in the academic day today..
hm.. dah habis ke blum ek.."

And after the academic day finishes..
one decided not to take the risk to drive back home, for it was not one's car, and if one involve in an accident, it'll be a troublesome for the owner..

one here is grateful and thankful to a friend/sis for willingly to drive one back home..
all d way, one's head was pulsating non-stop..
and one's left foot was in pain, feel like being step upon by a heavy thing..

when this sis decided to send another friend/sis to the bus station, one sat at the rear seat behind.
Covering oneself with an unknown sweater, for one feel embarrased to be look upon by others one's current state..
Oh, how one here need to practise to look as if nothings gone wrong, no matter what one feels inside..

back at the CSq..
one needed to fullfill her duty to keep things in the right place in the right condition..
and one was again thankful to the sis who helped one out there..
after isya' prayer..
one feel like collapsing once again..
luckily, no one else was around, for if anyone was there,
they would realise one was not in her best state..
After a few minutes rest, one continue her duty, with only remembrance to Him..
asking for Him, if its time for one to go, please let one here with the best faith to Him within..

Today, one again feel the same unstable state..
one do not know why..
yet it happen concurrently..
O Allah, only to You one here can share/tell her feelings..
for to tell/share it to others,
it'll cause them burden and trouble them..
and they'll no longer trust one here to do one's job as Your army,
as a daie..
though one here try as hard as she could to do it for You, without being asked/apointted by them to do so..
one hope, one really did it for You, because of You..
and really2 hope it is the right course/path/action that one had act to it.

Ya Allah..
jika jalan yang telah aku pilih ini jalan yang al-Haq, jalan yang Engkau redhai
maka, tetapkanlah diri ini di atasnya
benarkanlah diri ini untuk beramal sepenuhnya kepadaMu
dan jika ia jalan yang bertentangan dengan kehendakMu Allah,
maka, leraikan diri ini dari meneruskan perjalanan di atasnya..
berikanlah petunjuk pada hati ini agar memilih jalan sebenar2nya
jalan yang menuju redhaMu,
jalan menuju jannahMu
jalan menegakkan panjiMu..
Perkenankanlah permintaan hambaMu ini Allah..
perkenankanlah..