14 June 2008
hammy
l0ng time since i've written here
but now i really need to express out my heart confession
...
if to end our own life is not a sin.. i think,, i would have killed myself..
if there is not judgment in the world after.. i would have jumped from the top of the building
..
Allah.. im in need of your love.. i often wonder.. do i have Your love.. becoz.. this morning i heard a hadith in the morning tazkirah..
if Allah love someone, He'll tell the angels to love that person too.. and the angels will ask all on the earth to love that person..
And to look back.. i dont even think im loveable by the creatures on the earth..
the animals run away from me..
humans...... so hard to say bout them.. i dont want any gifts if others may have obtain a whole lot of it..
i only want, in need of support.. but then...............................
Allah.. please accept me as Your humble servant.. Do forgive me for the sins i've made.. for the uncertainty u developed in me..
i do in need of You
Only You i have..
l0ng time since i've written here
but now i really need to express out my heart confession
...
if to end our own life is not a sin.. i think,, i would have killed myself..
if there is not judgment in the world after.. i would have jumped from the top of the building
..
Allah.. im in need of your love.. i often wonder.. do i have Your love.. becoz.. this morning i heard a hadith in the morning tazkirah..
if Allah love someone, He'll tell the angels to love that person too.. and the angels will ask all on the earth to love that person..
And to look back.. i dont even think im loveable by the creatures on the earth..
the animals run away from me..
humans...... so hard to say bout them.. i dont want any gifts if others may have obtain a whole lot of it..
i only want, in need of support.. but then...............................
Allah.. please accept me as Your humble servant.. Do forgive me for the sins i've made.. for the uncertainty u developed in me..
i do in need of You
Only You i have..
01 March 2008
its been a while since I’ve written here.. again and again…excuses..
Back in msia 2007, was the toughest live I’ve ever undergo.. I guess, its true.. once we’ve entered this way, this path.. the more committed we tend to be, the level that we’ll be tested will be increase..
I went back in December.. I hope to be able to da’wah to my family.. at the beginning, it was not bad.. I was able to distract my brother from tv my enjoying the movie, titled ‘The messenger’..
As I should have known, my sis was not all satisfied with my act..
She known before im back in msia, I wont be going to the cinemas anymore..
and she had to complaint to my mum.. with the additional info that im joining some kind of religious, extreme group im melb…
I guess, my mum wanted to know whether this rumor is true or just a rumor.. so, she asked me to join the family to see a movie at the cinema.. and when I declined the offer.. she starts to enquire by questioning me… its like having committed a crime.. and being in a custody of the police..
She even said, “you should never go against your mother..islam doesn’t teach you that way..”
how am I suppose to say, islam says to obey your mother request as long as it is abide by the Islamic law without actually having a ‘argument’ here..
So, what happen is that, I was brain washed by both of my parents for a month.. I just have to endure it.. and was hopping that I’ll be back in melb as soon as possible..
Then.. another strike came.. my mum wan not happy with my personality, I guess..
She wanted me to meet a doctor.. (dunt know what’s she’s specialized in) who’s look and analyze brain.. (I think)..
after meeting the doctor, my mum had a personal talk with her..
I guess, she must have told her, im joining usrah in melb, and behavior changed drastically at home.. so, the doctor decided to have my brain scanned.. and when they found multiple leisure there, they decided to have my checked through out..
(I felt like an organism for lab testing).. (this continues on and on)…
To conclude the story back in msia then, I realized, my emaan has drop significantly..
I was then actually afraid to go back to melb.. afraid that I have strayed far away from the true path..
Yet, back in melb, I was surprised… I was treated nicely like before.. Allah is All Gracious.. He gave me another chance..
When the QC was reshuffled, I was surprised to be in a group of those I’m inferior with.. both the leader and my sisters.. I don’t know how they divided us, but what I do know, my own self doesn’t even have the right to be among them.. Allah is opening me a way to retrace my steps back from where I’ve strayed…
O Allah.. I’m truly repent on all my doings that have been against Your Order.. I’ll try to be an honored servants among your righteous servants. And I know, at times I’ll forget my promise.. do help me My Lord.. remind me what I’ve promised and forget it on..
Back in msia 2007, was the toughest live I’ve ever undergo.. I guess, its true.. once we’ve entered this way, this path.. the more committed we tend to be, the level that we’ll be tested will be increase..
I went back in December.. I hope to be able to da’wah to my family.. at the beginning, it was not bad.. I was able to distract my brother from tv my enjoying the movie, titled ‘The messenger’..
As I should have known, my sis was not all satisfied with my act..
She known before im back in msia, I wont be going to the cinemas anymore..
and she had to complaint to my mum.. with the additional info that im joining some kind of religious, extreme group im melb…
I guess, my mum wanted to know whether this rumor is true or just a rumor.. so, she asked me to join the family to see a movie at the cinema.. and when I declined the offer.. she starts to enquire by questioning me… its like having committed a crime.. and being in a custody of the police..
She even said, “you should never go against your mother..islam doesn’t teach you that way..”
how am I suppose to say, islam says to obey your mother request as long as it is abide by the Islamic law without actually having a ‘argument’ here..
So, what happen is that, I was brain washed by both of my parents for a month.. I just have to endure it.. and was hopping that I’ll be back in melb as soon as possible..
Then.. another strike came.. my mum wan not happy with my personality, I guess..
She wanted me to meet a doctor.. (dunt know what’s she’s specialized in) who’s look and analyze brain.. (I think)..
after meeting the doctor, my mum had a personal talk with her..
I guess, she must have told her, im joining usrah in melb, and behavior changed drastically at home.. so, the doctor decided to have my brain scanned.. and when they found multiple leisure there, they decided to have my checked through out..
(I felt like an organism for lab testing).. (this continues on and on)…
To conclude the story back in msia then, I realized, my emaan has drop significantly..
I was then actually afraid to go back to melb.. afraid that I have strayed far away from the true path..
Yet, back in melb, I was surprised… I was treated nicely like before.. Allah is All Gracious.. He gave me another chance..
When the QC was reshuffled, I was surprised to be in a group of those I’m inferior with.. both the leader and my sisters.. I don’t know how they divided us, but what I do know, my own self doesn’t even have the right to be among them.. Allah is opening me a way to retrace my steps back from where I’ve strayed…
O Allah.. I’m truly repent on all my doings that have been against Your Order.. I’ll try to be an honored servants among your righteous servants. And I know, at times I’ll forget my promise.. do help me My Lord.. remind me what I’ve promised and forget it on..
06 November 2007
Though the heart says "Yes, I believe"
Though the mind says, "Really i do!"
Nonetheless, when the soul felt being refute, disavow,
The consciousness will feel at distress for the conflicting notion of self
This is what i experience, and i know u do to my friend, but what kept me stand here, cause i believe, what i feel is a part of His test towards my pledge for Him. Thus, find ways to keep and rebuilt your relation with The One, as i did today..jzkllh ukhti N & IF for the company..
Dont let the distress of d exam get in ur way..
Fight off d whispering of the syaitthon..
May Allah Guide us all and dont let us go astray.
And as a reinstate what pemusafir says;
"Patience is the virtue of confronting this conflicts n problems. Allah is with those who are patience"
All d best =)
Though the mind says, "Really i do!"
Nonetheless, when the soul felt being refute, disavow,
The consciousness will feel at distress for the conflicting notion of self
This is what i experience, and i know u do to my friend, but what kept me stand here, cause i believe, what i feel is a part of His test towards my pledge for Him. Thus, find ways to keep and rebuilt your relation with The One, as i did today..jzkllh ukhti N & IF for the company..
Dont let the distress of d exam get in ur way..
Fight off d whispering of the syaitthon..
May Allah Guide us all and dont let us go astray.
And as a reinstate what pemusafir says;
"Patience is the virtue of confronting this conflicts n problems. Allah is with those who are patience"
All d best =)
Once, not long ago
it was covered in greens
bright red, peaceful pink,
smiling yellow, gleaming orange
increase it attractiveness
towards the working armies
collecting honeys from crack of dawn till dusk
from red to pink, orange to yellow
weary certainly its not in their jargon
Now, as time pass by
environs starts to chill
the break of day is there
but don't be fool
by heat it disseminates
since its rarely provides balminess
nowadays and further ahead
oH, strange thing is happening
the bright greens has started to shrivel
Pale to dark brown begins to take place
From thick bush to sparse frame
No matter which angle you turn
in sight will be the same befall
Aha!
Now you're getting it
Say ta~ta to Mr.Summer
and welcome the extant autumn
What mystery lies underneath the pile of brown shriveled leaves?
Who knows? until one decide to uncover it
Thereby don't miss this coming autumn holiday
unveil the pass
As it could be the future of it
Learn bout the failure
So none could ever repeat it
Truth bout the success
should be in heart of individuals Muslim
Be there or resent the fundamental knowledge that lies within
ISK!!! yeay!!
it was covered in greens
bright red, peaceful pink,
smiling yellow, gleaming orange
increase it attractiveness
towards the working armies
collecting honeys from crack of dawn till dusk
from red to pink, orange to yellow
weary certainly its not in their jargon
Now, as time pass by
environs starts to chill
the break of day is there
but don't be fool
by heat it disseminates
since its rarely provides balminess
nowadays and further ahead
oH, strange thing is happening
the bright greens has started to shrivel
Pale to dark brown begins to take place
From thick bush to sparse frame
No matter which angle you turn
in sight will be the same befall
Aha!
Now you're getting it
Say ta~ta to Mr.Summer
and welcome the extant autumn
What mystery lies underneath the pile of brown shriveled leaves?
Who knows? until one decide to uncover it
Thereby don't miss this coming autumn holiday
unveil the pass
As it could be the future of it
Learn bout the failure
So none could ever repeat it
Truth bout the success
should be in heart of individuals Muslim
Be there or resent the fundamental knowledge that lies within
ISK!!! yeay!!
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