d heart says...-6

the light was there
yet it was dark within

the sun shines bright
yet, chill comes as company

its all seems so wonderful
well, its all a lie to this sight
as it has always been

this is life..
to be face till this body meets the grounds once again.

hope the seeds one threw
has indeed able to grow strong
shade the creatures that passes by
to the falls of drops..
to the strike of light..

hope will remain hope
dreams will just beautify the sleep
if no action is done to fullfill it to realistic..

8/3/09

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

Today one decided to attend the bbq masca for one reason..
to find out how does the masca bbq really runs on..
and it was totally revolting..
for it seems there's no difference between a muslim based activity to the non-muslims..

there were no barrier between male and females..

no doubt that there are couples who attend are connected legally thru marriage..
but how about others out there..?

To meet one's beloved friends,
each mind have been blotted by the west culture way of socialize, stricken one's heart here..
Yet, one was grateful one was there..
for the presence of one there actually embarassed the opposite gender to linger for a long time with one's friend..

O Allah, protect us from going against your mandate..

And after that one was back home again..

This is when things starts to happen again..
Y'day, during d academic day, one nearly faint in the MPH.
When one realise it, one take one chance to get out of it, before things happen.
For it will be a mess if one really faint inside.
Dah la dah kelam kabut persiapan academic day,
it'll make things look more worse if one really faint inside..
So, one decided to go out to the nearby rest place (x ingt dah name aper.. truk btul).
And one sit there, think it was about 1 hour or so.. For one could not remember what happen. Perhaps, one have really collapse there without realising it.
Bila sedar jer, blur2 jap..
tgh pikir, why am i here..?
and what am i wearing..?
It took quite a time b4 one here remember,
"oh, im involve in the academic day today..
hm.. dah habis ke blum ek.."

And after the academic day finishes..
one decided not to take the risk to drive back home, for it was not one's car, and if one involve in an accident, it'll be a troublesome for the owner..

one here is grateful and thankful to a friend/sis for willingly to drive one back home..
all d way, one's head was pulsating non-stop..
and one's left foot was in pain, feel like being step upon by a heavy thing..

when this sis decided to send another friend/sis to the bus station, one sat at the rear seat behind.
Covering oneself with an unknown sweater, for one feel embarrased to be look upon by others one's current state..
Oh, how one here need to practise to look as if nothings gone wrong, no matter what one feels inside..

back at the CSq..
one needed to fullfill her duty to keep things in the right place in the right condition..
and one was again thankful to the sis who helped one out there..
after isya' prayer..
one feel like collapsing once again..
luckily, no one else was around, for if anyone was there,
they would realise one was not in her best state..
After a few minutes rest, one continue her duty, with only remembrance to Him..
asking for Him, if its time for one to go, please let one here with the best faith to Him within..

Today, one again feel the same unstable state..
one do not know why..
yet it happen concurrently..
O Allah, only to You one here can share/tell her feelings..
for to tell/share it to others,
it'll cause them burden and trouble them..
and they'll no longer trust one here to do one's job as Your army,
as a daie..
though one here try as hard as she could to do it for You, without being asked/apointted by them to do so..
one hope, one really did it for You, because of You..
and really2 hope it is the right course/path/action that one had act to it.

Ya Allah..
jika jalan yang telah aku pilih ini jalan yang al-Haq, jalan yang Engkau redhai
maka, tetapkanlah diri ini di atasnya
benarkanlah diri ini untuk beramal sepenuhnya kepadaMu
dan jika ia jalan yang bertentangan dengan kehendakMu Allah,
maka, leraikan diri ini dari meneruskan perjalanan di atasnya..
berikanlah petunjuk pada hati ini agar memilih jalan sebenar2nya
jalan yang menuju redhaMu,
jalan menuju jannahMu
jalan menegakkan panjiMu..
Perkenankanlah permintaan hambaMu ini Allah..
perkenankanlah..

d heart says.. -5

it used to be a breezing wind..
with fluttering of birds within
raise of leaves cluttering every minutes
sooth the eyes in sight
ease the mind in peace
yet, the wind has now drops down
till the sand sank down beneath the ground
the blooms of the flowers
no longer grace the loads that falls within
the bee no longer has the buds' to share it dreams

d heart says...-4

go away..!

cried the tender heart

leave me to be..
and never come back..!

despair the fragile soul.

when will they believe i've chosen my life for what it to be..
it may seem like a dream..
but do believe, its the path i choose to walk
the path i choose to lay my steps ahead
and never to retreat back
no matter what the circumstances that lies ahead..

hoping in itself..
to be ever trustful in Him..
longing for Him ever always..
for now, no one will be close anymore..
no one to share what deep within the soul..

O my Lord,
help me to bring each of my steps closer to You
each words that bubbles out from me, reminds the existence of You
be my best pals thru each day You lay for me to portray
be my Love, for with You, the love will last forever
and help to be Yours till the time have come for me to meet You once again

" ACADEMIC DAY "

3 march 09

with His Name, one begins..

today was a bit bizzare situation one's facing..

feel like fainting,
yet Allah is keen on keeping one from doing so..

in lecture today, one starts to feel like old'time lecture..
things were blurry..
and one head and leg starts to shout for a rest..
though one here was not even doing any hard work at that time..

to Him one belong,
to Him one return..

and one know, it'll happen sooner or later..

one hope that if one chosen to feel it out first in the open air..
one have prepared one's heart, mind and soul to challenge it all..


and today, after today's liqa..
one feel sad again back inside..
the mc/talker said that:
if the person we chosed/aim to invite Him to Allah, decides not to do the righteous work,
then at least, let that person be the one who will support our work when others condamnd it. This can be done by giving technical work to that person..

now, to reflect oneself here back..
one have only been doing technical work..
its already one's final year in melb, yet one still been given technical work..
have one been decided not suitable to invite people to Allah,
and should then be sustain as a supportor..

huh..

they can put me aside..
but my deeds is only for You, Allah...
if they dont value me..
but i know, You forsee what's the best indeed for Your humble servant here..
so, i'll go foward, despite not being seen as capable to do so.

if they decide im goin against their rules, then its fine..
there a whole lot other jamaah that have the same intention, yet differ method..
and if they also deny my work..
then one will proceed with Him as one eyes, one action, one path that lies ahead in front ..

O Allah..
Help me here..
Only to You belong the heavens and the earth..

let me be where da'wah is needed the most..

let me die as an honorable servant in your sight..

self reflection mode..