its been a year...

to think about it.. i do come to my realisation here..

1st.. the closer we get to Him.. the higher we are put at stack..

thus, the further away we are from Him.. the more we are put at ease.. until it see, to us as if there could not be any better life than we're currently in..

so, yeah.. when we part away from Him, and all of a sudden, we came to turn back and be close to Him, that's when we'll be tested to an immediate..

to majority of people out there will just seem its unfair.. as How could He make it a burden to those who choose to be more obedient, truthful to Him..

and here, He had stated it in His words centuries before..

such testimons were stated in al-ankábut, verse 2..as it meant as below..

"Do the people think that they will left to say, "we believe"and they will not be tried (tested)?"

but let not be stressed when we are being tried..

do know, He only test His servants whom He loved..

Its kind of weird to show affection by causing difficulties to that person..

yet, again.. its to distinguish, whether should He love that person more or otherwise..

one who testify his/her love to Him, and after being tested numerous times because of the love confessions to Him.... the love for Him is never disrupt .. do know, He, The All Mighty, had loved that person even more.. the greatest of all....

im hating everything!!!!

1st my workmate..

now, both of my parents!!!!

they treat me as i dont even exist!

find, you guys want it that way, i'll make sure you guys never to notice im here!

i dont know why.. but people have the tendency to overlooked my ability to do any task and work..

is it cause by my 'child' look..? or i am so easy to be pass on..

well, now at my work place, my HOD do not trust my ability to work..

1. whenever i do my so called project, she will question it.. either loudly or queietly.. i do know this because instead of using the work i've done to be submitted to our clients, she will use the one previously done by my colleage who has a few years experience done me.. well, the thing is, although the project seem similar.. but do know, there are differences between the specifications given in my project as compare to the one by my work mate..

2. i did my project by going thru the specifications carefully, yet, when our workmate across the sea question the one that i've proposed, she automatically blamed me, saying i'm not taking my job seriously.. but honestly, when i confront face to face, then only she goes thru the work i did, and saw i fulfilled the specifications required by the client.. and oh.. she embarassed me in front of all work mate by including everyone in the email she sent to me, demanding to comply with the client's requisition...

3. i have not been given any opporutnity to attend meetings... well, i do need to attend to train up my skills to face and address client in the future..well, if im still working there..
the thing is, im just a desk worker for one and a half years.. as i recalled, when i was given the choice of choosing between this work or the sales, she told me, both work have the opportunity ot travel a lot.. well, until this very moment, im yet to see it come true as promised..

now u see.. why i think i should find a job.. at a place that value my work..
hmm.. oh, well, my boss appreciate my work..
its just my HOD who deemed otherwise..

today, im not sure why... but it keep on popping on my mind.. the 'if' dilemma..

> if i had done xxx  back then, perhaps things will have been xxxx

toO much if's been gagging me...

i know.. its not good to laid the 'if' dilemma in me..

but im not sure why and how it ever come across my mind out of a sudden..

i dont think i did anything to trigger it out..

hm.. perhaps this is a disturbance by the so-called shaitan..

well.. i have to take a different approach to address this dilemma..

while the 'if' could not be turn back.. i should then do it now.. in the presence..

there is never a limit or boundary to begin fresh in new things..

so, i should do it all.. while i still last on this earth.. better now or never..

its been a while since i post my day here..

well, as it goes.. there's nothing much to rant about..

my little bro is here.. as its been a while since i met him..

and yes, i love him without doubt..

yet.. when i still look him as younger.., how he grown over the past 3 years..

and now i have to admit it.. i can no longer see him as young as i always thought he would be..

nway, bout my disease.. it not getting worst nor is it getting any better..

thank you to The One, for halting the progress from getting any worse..

as usual.. my headache is troubting more and more often.. and sometime it could get really painful..

its not that i mind..
its just when the attack occurred, it was at the moment im cruising the wheel on the road..

it will be a problem, if any acciddent occur.. no only to my family, but to the people around as it will certainly cause traffic to be heavy...

well... i now have to bring my pills wherever im on move i guess..

let my trust in The All Mighty.. The Ta'ala..

I've been letting you down, down
Girl I know I've been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
I should've played it cool

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

She was kind of exciting
A little crazy, I should've known
She must have altered my senses
As I offered to walk her home

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

A stupid mistake
She means nothin' to me
Nothin' to me
I swear every word is true
Don't want to lose you

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

my Lord..do guide each of my steps, actions and words..
forgive me for my sins..