symptoms of major depressive episode

• Sadness and or irritability - yup
  
• Loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities -totally
  
• Loss of appetite—or increase in appetite - increase of eating directly proportional to my stress level
  
• Sleep disturbances—either insomnia or excessive sleeping - either alternately
  
• Agitation or slowing in behavior - yup
  
• Fatigue - cause me shame in lectures n tute =(
  
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt - definitely
  
• Problems with thinking or concentration - its true
  
• Persistent thoughts of death or suicide. - been thinking it for quite a time now..

________________

Professional Help May Be Needed

BUT the QUESTION is..sape yang nk tolong?!!!!!

People who are depressed often want to withdraw from activities, and the resulting lack of stimulation further reduces their quality of life, creating a downward spiral. While supportive family and friends may help a person shake off mild depression, psychotherapy and/or antidepressant medication are generally needed to treat the condition adequately and prevent an even deeper depression that is harder to treat. Although support groups may offer some help with milder types of depression, they are not effective in treating severe clinical depression. Psychotherapy and/or antidepressant medication are more effective in treating severe clinical depression.

help me Allah..

ya ALLAH...
im feeling really stress out right now..
ive just finish carve on my left arm with a knife..
dont have the courage to pierce it right thru..
and i guess, alhamdulillah the courage to do it is not there..
i could have hurt my self..
but im really2 in tension right now..

penar je minum air..
smua mengalir kuar balik..
baju basah..
buku basah
meje basah..
laptop ni pn terkena sipi2 basah..
sape yang boleh tolong diriku ini..
Hanya padaMu sahaja aku berserah..
padaMu aku sembah
dan padaMu sahaja.. aku mohon pertolongan..
O Allah.. my realiance is to You..
help one here..
please do..

the call

O lord..Allah Taala..

the call You gave me.. kept me in fear..
has my time come to leave this world..

its not that i love this world..
but even the pain in this world is unbearable..
i have to wonder.. how is the pain of the call from below..
saat nyawa dicabut malaikut maut.. sudah tentu kesakitannya lagi hebat..
sakit semalam pun x sanggup nk tahan.. sehingga terasa mmg macam
nak mati dh..

ampunkan hambaMu ini Allah..
terima kasih kerana memperingatkan hambaMu tentang ajal..
yang bakal memanggil bila2 masa sahaja..
andai kata ajal aku diatur mendahului ibuku...
ampunkanlah dosa2 ibuku..dulu, sekarang dan di masa akan datang..
nanti x der sape nak doakan untuknya dh nnt..
ampunknlah..
aku tau seksa neraka itu berganda2 pedihnya..
aku sanggup tanggung dosa ibuku.. jika itu Engkau benarkan..
biarpun aku akan menyesal nanti.. tapi sayangku kepada ibu
melebihi kesakitan itu..
sayangku kepadaMu juga Allah.. aku sanggup terimanya.. sebab
aku malu untuk berhadapan denganMu kelak, disebabkan dosa2 ku
yang terlalu banyak.. mungkin sampai x muat nak isi satu universe ni pun..
faghfirrli ya Allah.. ampunkanlah..
accept my love.. even though my end is in hellfire..

and the tears streams ..

Ya Allah..
Tuhanku.. dari dulu, sekarang, sehingga ke akhirnya.. tetapkan imanku padaMu..

Allah ya Rahman.. ya Rahim..
i feel really stupid.. nk wat assignment, x reti
nk tanye sape..
smua coursemate aku mcm x nk ajar aku.. tapi klu org len tny, diorg willingly share..
am i too low to their standard..

dulu..aku x pernah menghargai ukht fillahku..
sedangkan x pernah dia jemu if i approach her..
regardless on what circustances she's in..
dlm study.. mental n health sickness..
she's always willing to spare her time ...
x pernah dier bersangka buruk..
tapi klu skng, if i share it with others, they would felt that im juz making it up.. when its not..
forgive me sis, for not able to express my gratitude to u..

O Allah.. protect my beloved sister here..
protect her from the cruelty of the world.. love her...really2 love her more than i do..
and if u decreed for me to die 1st or her, without able to meet one final time.. do let her know, i really2 love her.. for she remind me of U when i lose hope.. when im in despair..
Permudahkanlah urusan k_..c in dis dunya, to bring back islam as the eyes of the world..

one will like to meet her back in paradise.. but one know its impossible.. for she's the jannah bound servants. n one here know one will never able to step into jannah..

really forgive me Allah.. for not able to kept steadfast as a real servant. despite the bi'ah U placed one to be in..

Allah Taala.. tetapkan diriku dan akhwat semua dalam jalan sebenar.. jalan yang teguh menuju redhaMu..mengibarkan kembali panji al-haq.

k-baie,k-ja,k-fathimah,k-rahmi,k-shikin,k-hana,k-aidah,k-fazihan,k-nabihah,k-mardhiah,k-aini,k-murni, k-ainun,k-mazlin,k-aishah,k-farahhanim,k-syera,k-nisa,ksaadah,
salwana,sufia,rose,fazzliana,syafinaz,itri, aisha,jamilia,nadia,fauziyatul,mufidah,
sarah,intan,n_zaila,azrina,azni,aisha_n,sakeenah,:
:
:..... etc.. semua akhawat city, clayton, interstates.. throughout d whole universe..

ive stop taking medcine for some time..
dan biler cmtu.. rase mcm byk duit kat tngn.. even though dh ckp at mummy no need to send money anymore..n mmg dh x dibagi dh ..
but i feel like i must use the money i have, get from MARA..1200 permonth.. for rent, for bills.. n others..?
nk gn selebihnya utk beli ubat,x cukup.. bek aku gunakan ukt dakwah..
at least i know its benefits the people around.. me taking ubat, x membawa benefit pada sesiapa pun..
O Allah.. semoga pengunaan duit itu aku gunakan adalah demi mencapai redhaMu..

at the serenity of the night to dawn in 9th May

bismillahirahmanirahim..

dh lm berhajat nk tulis.. biarpun slalu berdepan dengan laptop..
tangan enggan untuk masuk blog ni.. huhu

hari ni submission thermo assignment..
alhamdulillah.. segala puji bagi Mu Rabb, Allah Taala..
telah Engkau gerakkan hati-hati ini untuk bekerjasama menyelesaikan urusan dunia dengan mudah demi melaksanakan tanggungjawab yang lebih besar.. Kibarkan kembali panji islam di mata dunia..


Allahumma ..
Rabb ya Rahman, ya Rahim.. ya Álim.. ya Muhsi..
ghafirli Allah..ghafirli..
ampunkan hambaMu ini..
telah diriku persiakan segala amalan ku selama ini..
kerap kali berjanji ingin menjadi abid mu yang taat
berhajat menjadi orang yang menyampaikan kebenaran..
tapi..
telah aku langgar janji itu..
aku tidak amanah dalam perlakuan ku.. ampunkanlah hambaMu ini..
baru aku sedar.. kenapa selama ini aku dihalang dari melangkah setapak ke hadapan dalam amal dakwah ini..
amanah dan kejujuran adalah aspek yang penting untuk memikul tanggungjawab ini.. tapi itu yang aku x der..
maafkan diri ini..
ampunkanlah ya Allah..

2nd.
semalam aku berhajat untuk df sahabat2 di lygon..
tapi bila bersemuka.. kata2 x dpt nk diluahkan.. otak jadi blank..
adakah kerana niatku telah salah ketika hendak bertemu mereka..
maafkan hambaMu ini..
gagal dalam tugasan turunan rasulullah s.a.w.

3rd.
sejak akhir2 ini.. sakit di kepala kembali menyerang..
and bukan calang2.. smpi kadang2 tu terpaksa tahan diri sebelum air mata mengalir tahan sakit.. sebab tengah duduk kt tmpt awam.. i.e. comp_lab.
tp bila bersendirian, mmg x ditahan dh.. dibiarkan mengalir..

pastu, ditambah pulak dengan sakit pelik..
as if im vibrating.. dont know what causing it.. but it felt wierd and at the same time, cause me to be disturb in doing my work.. xtau nk la sakit ke aper.. but its certainly discomforting..

and today, the pain is now spreading to my lower abdoment (RHS).. and its really painfull.. x tau la apendiks ke aper.. huhu

Ya Allah.. Engkau sahaja yang tau kesakitan diriku..
dan aku tau, ia tidak sehebat mana pun sakitnya kalau dibandingkan dengan bedilan peluru, dengan kelaparan saudara2 ku di sana..
dan kalau nk dibandingkan dengan sakit nabi ayub, memang ape la sangt sakit diriku ini..
Forgive me for whining..
i should be grateful for i still have U in my life.. and i still am able to walk, to talk, to eat, to read..etc.. there is soo much ni'kmat u bestowed upon me, but i didnt realise it, and i did not thank U for it..

O Allah, my Lord..
if what causing my pain is the best for me, i accept it with an open heart..
as long as i know,u accept me as ur servant here despite my mountain high sins..

hari ni, (8.30am) ader rehlah daie..
patutker aku pergi..?
aku ni bukan daie.. x layak nak gelar diri daie pn..
klu ikut ape yg akh atiqi ckp hr tu.. klu dh pegang satu usrah pun x layak nk gelar diri daie..
aku ni lagi la..
usrah pun x pegang.. tajmik pun x..
df tu mmg la kena.. wajib sbg muslim..
huhu..
dengan assgmnts, oral, n sakit ni..
buat diri berbelah bagi nk pegi ke x..
klu aku pegi, kemudian sakit lg teruk, aku menyusahkan akhwat len..
tu aku x nk..
sbb nnt, orang asyik ingat aku sebgi orang yang sakit..
yang x der fungsi pun nk bagi keje ape2.. sbb dier slalu sakit..
klu aku x pegi..
cmne aku nk recharge diri ini balik..
I have promised to U, Allah.. to do everything possible to be Ur servant that has an honorable level at ur side..
help me to do so..

ok.. dr td x tdo..
nk tdo.. kang x bangun subuh..
................

o ysn...

she hate u..

not that she hate Allah creation..

but she hate herself for not able to be a good servant of Allah..

one know..

each steps one take..

rarely do one remember Allah..

and when Allah decides to remind one instantaneously by each event that occur.. only then one remember.. one had forgot Him today..

Forgive her Lord... Forgive one here....

3 acccidents had occur concurrently, which i 1st started it during the easter break..

its a sign..

and one here have known.. there will be other accidents follow by.. but one did not realise it to be followed by 2 others...

and one just realise.. this is not d one that one predicted..

for this means, there will 1 more to come...

O Allah, let it not be other akhawat involve in any accident.. this cause trauma to them.. cause pain and difficulties in movement..

There are essential in moving this work.. this da'wah work..
if it need to occur to remind people of death.. then take one here instead to face it..

For one is no longer needed in doing this da'wah..
one do not want to cause burden to other people.. so let one here take it..

Though one know, paradise is no longer open for one here..

But, no matter how long one live.. one will never enter paradise anymore..

Forgive one here Allah.. for not able to obey Your Law.. Ur mandate.. Ur guidance..


___________________

one am really2 sorry Allah... she try her best to improve it each time.. but it certainly failed doing so..

Though it dont think it can bear Ur punishment of Hellfire... but there's no other place for one to be in the here after..

since one is will never even smell the scene of paradise, what more to be permitted to enter paradise..
one will surely enter the hellfire...

and the tourment in the grave is also too painful.. yet...

O Allah.. though one here longs to meet U one day.. to meet Rasulullah saw as well..
but it will juz be one dream.. a dream one will never able to achieve..

Forgive ur humble servant here..

one will be brave to enter hellfire for lifetime as long as i know, You had indeed forgiven one here, Allah..
but deep down, i know, You will never even want to look at one here when one enter the hellfire..




am really, truely sorry for not able to be ur real abid..
Abidurrahman..