setiap tahun, masuk bulan ramadhan.. aku pasti akan alami perkara yang sama..

apabila masuk kepada waktu2 berbuka.. aku pasti akan sakit kepala..

dan ia memang sangat sakit.. hendak kata disebabkan aku berpuasa pada pagi hari, kalau ikutkan, aku pernah juga puasa2 pada hari di luar bulan ramadhan..

ntahlah.. aku boleh sahaja kalau sakit kepada tika berbuka.. yang aku sedih, sakitnya bertambah ketika hendak solat.. lebih2 lagi hendak solat tarawikh..

pada tahun2 sebelumnya, aku boleh juga ke masjid untuk tunaikan solat tarawikh di sana.. tapi sejak tahun lepas, aku tak berani nk ke masjid, disebabkan sakit kepala aku ni..

nak kata ini helah shaitan, bulan ramadhan, shaitan dah ikat, dibelenggu.. supaya tak dapat nak menganggu umat islam ketika puasa..

kalau difikir2kan balik, aku pernah mengalami sakit kepala ketika sujud di sekolah dahulu, semasa di tingkatan 2,3.. kira 13,14 tahun dahulu.. tapi itu aku hanya abaikan..

tapi kini, aku tahu, penyakit aku itulah yang mungkin penyebabnya..

walahuálam.. aku kini, hanya mampu solat dirumah sahaja masa bulan ramdhan ini.

hanya harap, Allah menerima akan amalku seadanya..

O Lord, if everything that You had lay it out for me is a sign for me to go, do let me leave in peace with full of Your pleasure in my life to this very day..

if indeed my time to go has come to tow..

do forgive me Lord, purify my deeds from leaving it rot..

accept my faith as it reach its peak..
save me from slipping down as i walk on the thinnest string...

i might not conveyed my deepest love to You..

knowing Your love is way up high, beyond the horizon sky..

hope its enough to bound me in to enter Your paradise..

rasa seperti mcm nk kena osteoporosis pada usia yang suku abad ini.. mintak dijauhkan Allah daripada menghadapinya..

wow.. it has been more than 4 months i've written something here..

well, it might be becoz i either did not have the mood the write.. or i did'nt have anything to shout it loud here..

at work, the past couple of weeks are the most hectic time i guess..

since there's only 4 of us in specific sector, and 1 of us are warded because of an injury and the other 1 is always out to meet client, it only left to us both.. while the work is coming on heavier and heavier each week..

and from both of us who are available in the office, 1 have other work to focus too.. and sadly, it left me alone to carry out all..

well, it's not that i'm whining or anything.. as believe it or not, i somehow enjoyed these busy weeks...

rather than the days where there are no work to be done.. and waiting for time to pass by..

and to be exact, out of the 8 works, there's left only two to be done..

today, the one who meets the clients return to the office, i willingly give one of my unfinished work to him as to be truth, i actually only have a vague idea on how to run it..

or else, i certainly love finished it voluntarily..

honestly, im a person who like to start a job, and finish it well, without delay and without putting on burden to others..

and there's only 1 more work i need to finish it out by end of this week,,

All Mighty Lord, Allah SwTaála, please ease me my work.. as my work is solely with the intention for Your Pleasure..

d heart is in doubt..

Dear Lord,

Your humble servant here seek for Your reassurance..

i know that i've asked for Your tests..

yet, my heart feels sorrow facing and encounter each of the rest..

forgive me Ya Rabb.. for not accepting Your gifts..

for each the test You've bestowed one to face, its a sign of Your love to Your servants.. the higher the difficulties, sign of higher level of Your love to each of us..

Make me reassurance in facing all Your current tests, and the ones that will come..

Let the life i'm now facing, is to train me to face the future ahead..

And thank you Ya Rabb, Alhamdulillah, for letting me a month closer to the blessing month of ramadhan..

and let me the chance to enter the coming month of sha'ban.. and then, to enter ramadhan..

To You, I seek.. To You I will cease..

and let me cease in gaining Your pleasure till I'm admitted to Your Jannah without resist..

its been a year...

to think about it.. i do come to my realisation here..

1st.. the closer we get to Him.. the higher we are put at stack..

thus, the further away we are from Him.. the more we are put at ease.. until it see, to us as if there could not be any better life than we're currently in..

so, yeah.. when we part away from Him, and all of a sudden, we came to turn back and be close to Him, that's when we'll be tested to an immediate..

to majority of people out there will just seem its unfair.. as How could He make it a burden to those who choose to be more obedient, truthful to Him..

and here, He had stated it in His words centuries before..

such testimons were stated in al-ankábut, verse 2..as it meant as below..

"Do the people think that they will left to say, "we believe"and they will not be tried (tested)?"

but let not be stressed when we are being tried..

do know, He only test His servants whom He loved..

Its kind of weird to show affection by causing difficulties to that person..

yet, again.. its to distinguish, whether should He love that person more or otherwise..

one who testify his/her love to Him, and after being tested numerous times because of the love confessions to Him.... the love for Him is never disrupt .. do know, He, The All Mighty, had loved that person even more.. the greatest of all....