today, im not sure why... but it keep on popping on my mind.. the 'if' dilemma..

> if i had done xxx  back then, perhaps things will have been xxxx

toO much if's been gagging me...

i know.. its not good to laid the 'if' dilemma in me..

but im not sure why and how it ever come across my mind out of a sudden..

i dont think i did anything to trigger it out..

hm.. perhaps this is a disturbance by the so-called shaitan..

well.. i have to take a different approach to address this dilemma..

while the 'if' could not be turn back.. i should then do it now.. in the presence..

there is never a limit or boundary to begin fresh in new things..

so, i should do it all.. while i still last on this earth.. better now or never..

its been a while since i post my day here..

well, as it goes.. there's nothing much to rant about..

my little bro is here.. as its been a while since i met him..

and yes, i love him without doubt..

yet.. when i still look him as younger.., how he grown over the past 3 years..

and now i have to admit it.. i can no longer see him as young as i always thought he would be..

nway, bout my disease.. it not getting worst nor is it getting any better..

thank you to The One, for halting the progress from getting any worse..

as usual.. my headache is troubting more and more often.. and sometime it could get really painful..

its not that i mind..
its just when the attack occurred, it was at the moment im cruising the wheel on the road..

it will be a problem, if any acciddent occur.. no only to my family, but to the people around as it will certainly cause traffic to be heavy...

well... i now have to bring my pills wherever im on move i guess..

let my trust in The All Mighty.. The Ta'ala..

I've been letting you down, down
Girl I know I've been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
I should've played it cool

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

She was kind of exciting
A little crazy, I should've known
She must have altered my senses
As I offered to walk her home

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

A stupid mistake
She means nothin' to me
Nothin' to me
I swear every word is true
Don't want to lose you

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

my Lord..do guide each of my steps, actions and words..
forgive me for my sins..

happy birth day to my self :)

may the years ahead, make me more mature..

and are in the group of those who gain His blessings now and forever..

t

this morning i woke with  throat pain..

the more i drank water, the more painful it is..

and today decided not to join my colleagues to eat lunch, for personal reasons..

anyway, today it pour heavily on my way back from work like y'day..
'
i'm not sure wheather the pain in the throat is caused by the rain or it was infected from colleagues at my work place..

anyhow, i beg  You, My Lord.. may this sickness give ma insight on how to finish up my last assignment.. as i'm really blur on how to do it, until this very day..

its been a long time since i sneak in here..

well.. there's nothing much for me to say.. except.. of  course my headache is starting to burn back on again.. and this time, it occur more frequently than usual.. in the morning, afternoon, evening and at night.. so if we have 24 hours a day, and let say my night sleep is about 6-7 hours / day, leaving me with 17 hours of 'consciousness' or awake.. and from this wake period, half of the time, i will gain or more precise attack me with headache..

sometimes, or often, when it occur, i presumeably and always hope my sins will be wiped out because of the anguish pain..
now, to think about it.. i suddenly realise.. the similar headache occurred to me when i was in secondary school.. especially when performing the obligatary prayer, congregation maghrib & isya' one..

i did not think it is a symptoms which lead me to this everlasting disease..

and when i gain a dengue in 2005, it has become the cause for my immune system to react a year later..

well.. He who plan it well, have better plan for me in the future.. insyaAllah..

so, lets wait.. in dignity..