there are so much conflict in my life..

i don't even know how or what to begin with..

firstly would meant that im not good in starting relationship with people..

be it society & even family members..

which i've concluded they all despise me..

and here i thought my family members, parents would be the one to hold me, support me..
which of course not what happened..

in the beginning, yes they were supportive..

but as my other siblings start to return back home, im once again abandon..

which is perhaps the reason i rather be a 'workaholic', by just spending time more at the office..

and there's where i've also figured im not needed..

its strange how people use to be around me, when i were the 'smart' one..

and now, since this 'gift' are being taken away, how they left me to be alone..

oh how i regretted a lot of things, decision i've made few years back when i was in the process to pursue the degree.. which i think is useless..

hmm.. i could no longer change the past and i have to face the present
to ensure the future to brighten up step ahead...

All Praise belong to the All Mighy God.

In this fasting month, i was surprised by the wonderful gift..

I'll named it as the 'gift', as i really think God has given them extra knock to their hearts..

May the changes last after the fasting month ended up till the end of life..

I've been missing those whom/which i'll call as my best buddies..

The one who'll hear my rambles without interrupting..

The one who'll love to eat all sort of vegies

And the one who'll be starving when we're far from reach..

The one who i could yell at but will still cuddles when im around it..

The one i could cuddled and belong to be cuddle with..


So, yeah.. i miss all my pets...

From the one who'll eat together when im enjoying my fruits...

Till the one who'll always be at the doorstep when i opened the way for the fresh morning to swept in..

You guys will forever be in my heart..

i know,, this site seem to be my place to express whenever i am in a tight condition..

well, it seem i dont have a place to let it all out..

i'll just type it here then..

for the past few days, i think my fatigue state seem to take over..

i'll get really tired easily.. even by just sitting in a car as a passenger..

is it caused by the medication i'm currently on....?

or is it caused by the illness that are inhibiting my used to be outdoor activities..

hm.. no one knows, except Him..

but despite being overwhelm by work at the office, i somewhow knew, He's always watching over me..

whenever i desire something to occur or not to occur,
in His own way, He'll make it happen..

and I'm really grateful and thankful to the All Mighty for granting it..

I hope my heart is always to Him, and never be lead astray...

for the past few days my body decided refuse to function properly..

my left leg decided to be 'lazy' where now, i have trouble to walk as usual..

hm.. will this prob be long..?

i hope not..

o god, i seek refuge in you..hmm

there is a person, whom i thought is my friend.. and when this friend ask me to tell my side of living, and promise to kept is a secret.. so i told this friend..

but unfortunately, this friend told to another person.. with the reason, the other person is my 'senior', so the other person should know..

BUT is this honest!!!!!?

is this the kind of honesty one should have with a person who had trusted the person..?

why and why did i trust that 'friend'..?

i though when a friendship is bond, the honesty should have been tied in as well!!!

apparently not for this person..

from now on, i'll never trust this person again. NEVER!

2--0--1--3

i have been wondering day by day..

from both of my parents, on of their outcome is me.. and my 2 other siblings..

but unfortunately for me, while my sis and bro both inhereted my parents looks and goodness, in terms of the attitude and intelligence

while for me, all the negative and down sides of lives, lay in me..

patience of my mum is in my sis and bro.. but the inpatients of my dad i lies in me..

the easy to be angered from my dad pass on to me..

the illness of what is called as the 'runner knee' that my mum have starting few years back, is not attacking my knees, at an early age, half of my mum's..

i know i can change my attitude... but the thing is, the feeling of easily angered is something i can't control on.. and causing me to speak without thinking the good and the bad..

hm.......