26 September 2011

being back home for a year and a half, is quite frustrating..
everything my parents talk about is my brother and sister..
and believe me, the way they talk about them as if, my siblings are the
children that they only proud of..

i feel really depressed..

they are saying of encouraging them to continue to stay abroad, and work abroad..

but, why did'nt they encourage me to do so, while i was studying there..

they ask my sis to stay there, work there, and continue her specialization there in her profession..

but why didn't they do the same for me back then..?

my mum keep on visiting either my sis or bro each year, but did she ever try to visit me back then alone, without my dad to come along..?

i feel like discriminated by my own parents..

if i do something not of the ordinary, they will easily get mad with me..

but, when my bro or sis do so, they never question it..

i now do agree why 2nd child of the family is always lack of love..

and i think, i'm an unwanted child.. perhaps, if they have gotten a 2nd child as boy, they will certainly never try to get other child later..

i also know, why my mum now is willing to ask me to go our with her.. as my siblings are not here to accompany her..

when at 1 time, there were my mum, sis and me in a car to go somewhere, do you know, both of them keep talking together as if i don't even exist in the car..

i am an unwanted daughter who are costing them more to support me because of my tOO expensive medicine..

hey, do know.. i did not ask for this disease.. and in a way, their action each day are saying to me, that i'm burdening them..

yeah, i have taken a another course in applied science.. and believe it or not, i made that decision, because my mum keep talking about my sis who says she was interested in taking it..

now knowing, my sis is never gonna take it, as she will be continuing her work abroad and specialize there, im now regretting for taking it..

see.. how my parents treat their children differently.. and how i hate myself for it..
for having to pretend that im okay with it..

p/s: another reason for them to dislike me, perhaps because im trying to choose the real way of my religion.. i know.. it shouldn't have matter to me whether they love me or not.. as long as i have the One true Love.. from my God..

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