yes, i have to insist admitting im in no pain..

tho at times, the hurt is unbearable.. but i have 2 stand on making it bearable..

let the body wound, to let it nourish the heart..

bét@fEron vs fev3R

2 choose btwn 2..


amik betaF, i'l b getting a heavy fEver..

x amik betaF kang, mS bertmbh truk..

huhu.. td amik betaF.. skng tgh demam truk..

cmne la nk bgn g keje sok..
huhu..

ok..dh x lrt ni.. nite2..
a remebrance 2 my beloved pEt..

kadangkala.. senang untuk kita mengungkapkan kata ikhlas..
lahir dari bibir.. namun sejurus itu juga ia terbang dibawa hembusan angin..

pelbagai jenis gerak kerja yg jelas perlu keikhlasan..
dan kebanyakkan darinya itu, mencorak menjadi sebahagian dari daily time-plan..

dan daripada itu, apabila ia menjadi suatu rutin..kebiasaan..
maka.. sedar ataupun tidak.. keikhlasan yang pada awalnyer zahir murni..
lama kelamaan, ia hanya sekadar menjadi ikhlas pada minda..tp bukan lagi di hati..

--------------
"wahai tuhanku.. aku keluar untuk merenungi hebatnya ciptaanMu, dinaungi indahnya pawana ukiranMu,Yang Maha Agung..
untuk melahirkn keinginan dalam diri ini untuk terus sujud padaMu..dan lebih mengenaliMu dengan lebih erat..
Ya Rabb, tetapkanlah diriku untuk tetap taat padaMu, biarpun ramai di luar sana memilih untuk pergi jauh dariMu.."

"ya Allah.. maafkan hambaMu ini dlm segala kata2nya, baik secara penulisan mahupun tata bicara,,
maafkan diri ini, jika ia dizahirkan bukan untuk menggapai redhaMu..maafkan, jika ia lahirkan titisan2 riya dlm hatiku..
lebih ku mohon keampunanMu, andai setiap perilaku ku bertentangan dari kata2 ku..
faghfirrli ya Rahman.. faghfirlli ya Raheem.."
-------------

alhamdulillahi ala kulli hal..

is granted d chance 2 still breath in.. despite all ongoing things that been evolving around me..

alhamdulillah 4 d new work..
this new work place, despite its surround by factories, and its a mix  of all sort of races.. as far i can say, d base of islamic teachings are still there..
this shouldn't be any reason why i should not portray this deen proudly..

alhamdulillah ya rabb..
for this pair of eyes.. when i can see, while many others have this gift tuck aside..

alhamdulillah for these legs..
get me moving, finding nourishment..

alhamdulillah for my 10 fingers..
tho they are striving to make each move to this very sec..
d greatest thanks i should lay it out to You, as for the past 23 years, these are the fingers that u gave me, to use it in every possible action..
without them, i will not be here, as i'm now..
alhamdulillah :)

alhamdulillahillazi...
d motion of love You've bestow in me..
make me love all the living animals thats lifted onto this earth..
i may not be a person who knows how to talk n socialize with people..
and with this, You gave me the bond with the animals around..

alhamdulillah to Lord of the whole Universe..
im still given d lifetime of living along with my mum..
others might look at my mum and think, "pity u, it must been hard to live up ur deen by having her around.."
but i LOVE my mum more than other people around..
she may not live up the deed, but her heart always seems to be cleanse by pure water each day..

well, there's a lot more and great provisions bestowed upon.. and there are no kind of thanks i could give..
but, i do love my LORD.. Allah Subhanna wa Ta'ala

-----
typing speed: 20 wrds/min
-this is so slow!

se le pregunte por mi parte ..?

lo siento como si ya no pertenecen a este lado de la vida no más.

no es necesario que lo vuelva a preguntar ..?

que va a ser una repetición de nuevo ..

pero ahora, tengo el conocimiento

se que me preguntan por mi mano..?

i algo que nunca se sabe

sIdé effÉct of beTafron

some of my medicine side effect:
_____
-Central nervous system related adverse events including depression, anxiety, emotional lability, depersonalisation, convulsions, suicide attempts and confusion have been observed

Special warnings and special precautions for use
Patients to be treated with Bétáferon should be informed that depression and suicidal ideation may be a side effect of the treatment and should report these symptoms immediately to the prescribing physician. In rare cases these symptoms may result in a suicide attempt. Patients exhibiting depression and suicidal ideation should be monitored closely and cessation of therapy should be considered..
 ____

hoho.. so, am i to b blamé of what i felt back in those days... ??


nway, my recent mRi showed dat i hAve 9 nEw leSionS in my bRain
& 1 in My sPiNal CorD..

hoho.. ntah la.. nk jadi ape, jadi lah.. i no longer care...... ... ... .

jUdgéMÉnT..2 choóse btwn 2

yes this person here today have a confession to make..

one can no longer see itself in this path, in the the next 10 years..

or even 5.. or 3.. or 1..

every now & then, one will keep trying to recall, why had it choose this path..
when there were many others outlay spreading at the frontier view..

perhaps it was because of friends..

or perhaps there was something that it want to prove to those around it at that time..

well, first it seems great..
after it was 1st bitten by the not-so nice mosquitoes.. that cause it to be 1 week of leave back in early year of 2005..
its was given an achievement to counter it back in the final exam of that year..
and so it continues up till end of the following year..

then, it all started when it went back across the ocean to take summer school..
then it started to realize.. its brain is no longer working optimally as it used to work the year before..
it thought its becoz of the increase of workload..due to the higher difficulty it'll go from 1 sems to the other..

having a concerned mum, when she took me straight to meet a prof. dr.. and
tadaá..
one showed sign of another break out burst..
refuse to believe as it was, one was given different med to encounter it, with hope, it was not as the signs showed it to be..

one have to wonder.. was this out break a sign for me to step back from the path back then..
yes, this vigorously occur when one say to commit fully on the path..
this path..

and now, a great thankful to the all mighty, for letting me the chance to obtain attribution to my painful 4 years studies (actually,it was the last 2 years was the worst)

am now back home..
and thought, okay, it can now commit fully..
yes, the sun does not seem to bright on this path.. but there is hope for it to rise up again..
well, that what one were exposed/thought on..

but, each day it seem more and more challenging for one to give all out to it..
1st was at home..
after full try & error for months..
one realize, to get their acceptance of what it believe, one has to to things that they like to do..
its not that is not permitted.. but in this path, one learned that avoid these habits to be a good person..

so, now.. one has to choose between
A: family versus faith

2nd was work environment..
after a few weeks there, it thought it could get change them.. instill better faith.. if not all, a few will be enough..
but one then realize, it only work in the fasting month..
and after that, everything goes back the same..
and some even worse..
so one better endeavor new experience..
as if one stays here longer, sooner or later, it'll adapt to the bad habits

3rd is the new pathetic disease..
recently got to do the brain & spinal cord scan..
and d result showed it got worse here..
now.. one has to choose..
there were even cases that some were comas becoz of the bad growth of the lesions in d brain..

of all these.. there are more..
but i guess.. it'l be toO long to tale it out..



important is, now i have to choose between 2..

which road should i take..

the one lease ridden or the one that will ease me to hold on to my remaining life in this world..